"Don't have unrealistic expectations.": Art School Confidential

I watched Art School Confidential the other day and have mixed feelings about it. In some ways I thought it was hilarious, but it kind of failed overall. I'm not even sure everyone would find amusing the stuff I did, because my laughs had a lot to do with having gone to an "arty" school. There is a part in the beginning when one of the characters goes through and points out the stereotypes in the class, and I immediately was like "Yes! I remember those people! The blow-hard! Yes! That idiot who doesn't ever get it! The person whose work everyone else is cooing over and I'm sitting there like 'I don't understand why anyone would think this is good.' I remember all of this! The professor who doesn't really give a shit about teaching but needs to pay bills until his 'great work' gets picked up!" Atmospherically, it was very, very close to perfect--in my opinion. Ethan Suplee's filmmaker character in particular was dead-on. However, the problem I had with the film was...well, everything else. I found the main character dull, particularly when compared to all the side characters (disclosure: this is something I have been accused of in my own work--making the straight man so straight he fades into the background. See also: Pirates of the Caribbean.) The love interest also had all the charisma of a rotting corpse. The plot was ludicrous, and continued to get stupider as the movie went on. By the time the end of the picture rolled around, I was sitting on my couch yelling "Oh, for Chrissakes! Stupid, STUPID, STUPID!!!" and throwing Frosted Cheerios at the TV. In conclusion, if you're an art school person, you might want to check this out for nostalgia's sake. If you aren't, don't bother.

Today's iPod/uPod winner is: "Age Six Racer" by Dashboard Confessional

I think part of the reason I like this is because it's a bit more cheerful than most DC songs. It's about loss, but it's more a wistful longing for childhood times past. Not so much the "You left me, so I'm going to roll in broken glass until you come home, you whore" that they often seem fixated on. It's also got some really stunning harmonies, which are complimented (in my opinion) by the fact that the song is instrumentally so simple. The other reason I like this is because it takes me back to dorm life. Every time I hear it, I can imagine myself at my desk in 309D, facing the window, listening to this song and playing Snood. It's kind of funny how a certain song can slingshot you into a particular moment in the past. The only other sense that seems hooked up that way is smell (the only problem with scent-related memories is that sometimes I'll smell something and it's tied very strongly with a particular emotion, but I can't figure out WHY. Song-related memories can often be put into context by their artist or their era of popularity. Smells, it'll be like "Okay, the smell of this specific stairway causes me to feel really happy and hopeful, like something awesome is going on and I am part of it. Unfortunately, I have no idea why." [In that instance, it took me weeks to realize that for some reason the smell of that stairway--the combination of paint and rubber stair tops--reminded me of the first time I went to nerd camp and my class was held in a classroom in the college's gym.]) Also, the lyrics are so...sweet, but not exactly in a cheesy way. "It's cold where you're going, I hope that your heart's always warm" indeed.

The Angriest Traveller: "A Cook's Tour" by Anthony Bourdain

I LOVE Anthony Bourdain. I think he's hilarious and interesting, and having seen his show on the Travel Channel, I found him to be smart as well. Therefore, I decided to pick up this book--it seemed an apt choice to read during my first trip outside the "Western world."

I found A Cook's Tour to be entertaining but uneven. In some places Bourdain is wickedly sarcastic and funny, in others he drifts into sanctimonious preachiness. In some ways, I would have preferred he save us the treacle and simply stick to his own personal observations, but at the same time I think at least the treacle is genuine--he really IS touched by the places and people he's visiting. He has a way with words, but sometimes it seems they get away from him. All in all, a fun and enjoyable read.

A Letter to Sienna Miller

Dear Sienna Miller,

You are untalented and badly dressed.
I am sick of looking at your smug, pointy face.
Please go away.

CC

P.S. Those of us who are FROM Pennsylvania can (and do) use the term "Shitsburgh." We're not big on other people using it, though. I'd be really careful using terms like that in a place where roughly 85% of the population could kick your ass.

P.P.S. Banging Jude Law doesn't make you special. It just means you have a vagina.

The Velvet Goldmine

Velvet Goldmine: Okay, so this one is tough to give a straight out review, so I'll just lay out a few points for you.

A. I don't mind the non-linear storyline, or the sometimes bizarre ways of telling the tale, but seriously, the scene done with Ken dolls was just a little more than I could take.

B. The way the stories were told and interwoven with the story of the journalist who's listening to them was great.

C. I thought most of the acting was quite impressive, but was disappointed by the performance of Jonathon Rhys-Myers as Brian Slade--I thought he was rather flat and emotionless, and that bothered me until I realized that maybe that's the POINT...Brian Slade was never real. He was just sort of this reflection of those around him, and they all projected what they were looking for onto him. So maybe JR-M is in fact a BRILLIANT actor instead of--as I originally thought--amazingly awful.

D. Ewan McGregor was awe-inspiring. The man is never hesitant to drop trou and show off his light-saber (which, by the way, was more impressive here than we were led to believe in The Pillow Book.) His character, Curt Wild, was probably my favorite, just because that particular archetype is a soft spot of mine--the valiantly odd, secretly desperately needy punk-rock boy. I mean, Slade was so pathetic I was uninterested, but Wild? Oh yeah, I probably wouldn't kick him out of bed. Particularly during that part where he's covered in lube and glitter.

E. The make-up and costuming was stunning...with the notable exception of Christian Bale's flashback wig. My GOD, did they dig that thing out of the trash bin behind a cheap drag club or something? It was so distractingly bad that I couldn't even enjoy his masturbation scene...the first time I watched it. ;)

F. Eddie Izzard in men's clothing! The man has a knack for playing douchebags, I have to say.

G. There are not many female characters in this movie, and the few there are seem to be drawn as mostly bitches. Then again, the movie is not about women, but the relationships that exist between men, and between those men and the music. I have to say I thought Toni Collette was kind of wasted in her role, but then again, what little she has to do she does very well.

H. This movie is not for everyone. However, it's full of interesting visuals, rocking music, and hot man candy. If that's your thing, this is your film.

The Warriors

The Warriors: For a cult film from 1979, this didn't feel nearly as dated as it should have. I'm guessing that could be because it's almost more of a fantasy than it is a "realistic" film. Part of that comes from the intro likening the story to a Greek epic, and also the use of what look like rotoscoped "comic" panels to transition between scenes. Basically, it's about this gang in New York called the Warriors who go to this big gang meeting way down in the Bronx, and after something unexpected happens, have to make their way all the way back to their home turf of Coney Island, dodging and fighting both other gangs and the cops. Each of the gangs in the movie have these wild costumes and identities, the most interesting being the Baseball Furies (whom I assume come from the part of the Bronx that's home to the baseball field.) They're these guys wearing baseball uniforms with this crazy sort of Kiss-type make-up who fight with baseball bats (using them sort of like samurai swords) and don't speak, adding to the comic-ness of the film. The acting is surprisingly good, considering that pretty much no one in it had ever been in a movie before. If I had to compare it to something, I think I'd say it's a little bit like O Brother Where Art Thou? surprisingly. I mean, there's these guys on this journey, and there's distractions and fights, and they split off, and some get lost and some get killed, and you're sitting there pulling for them to make it. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and suggest that you film nerds check it out, since it's apparently a cult classic with some pretty nifty cinematic moments to it. The making-of on the DVD is also fascinating--they talk a lot about shooting on location in New York at night, and about the difficulties of dealing with the ACTUAL gangs who inhabited the area. As a sort of odd sidenote, the way I first heard about this movie was that the video game was recently released (only, you know, 27 years later) and X-Play really liked it.

Gosford Park

Gosford Park: Yes, I know I just watched this one last weekend, but the DVD arrived and I just had to watch it again with subtitles so I could figure out what was going on. Amazing what you miss when the sound is dying! It's actually kind of better the second time, because once you know what's going on, you notice a lot of little clues earlier on in the movie. It's well-plotted, well-acted, and apparently accurate as far as the household running goes. They had a making-of on the DVD and explained that they brought in three people who'd actually worked in service during the 30s and 40s, and had them check things for accuracy. It was kind of cute how much the 80yr olds were digging working with the actors. But yeah, the movie is still entertaining and interesting and I enjoyed it immensely. This is recommeded for anyone who enjoys British period movies (Minnesota Mama and Shalom Go Bragh, I am looking at you here) or murder mysteries.