A Reminder

Just a reminder to check out The Boyfriend's blog, The Frugal Bostonian. If you go over there today, you will find the first post from your old pal me, giving away the secret to one of my famous barbecue sauces.

You know you want it!

(I have been told by The Boyfriend that I am not allowed to give away the recipe for my Coke sauce or my Sweet Caroline mustard sauce. Apparently, those are trade secrets. *Shrug*)


Also, I have been reading books lately, but haven't necessarily felt like blogging, partly because I've finished the Cannonball Read and prefer to just READ the books. I've just started Robert Leckie's Strong Men Armed, which is his non-biographical book about the Pacific theater of WW2. So far it's pretty good. I've also read some trashy books and re-read some old favorites. I've also read several new ones that I'm sure I'll get around to blogging on eventually.

Then again, fall television is here, and you know how hard it is for me to accomplish anything when there's a crime show available to be watched!

Give him a hand, folks!

Just a quick post to let you know that The Boyfriend now has his own blog, The Frugal Bostonian. He's going to be posting about two of our favorite things -- cooking and eating! (Okay, well admittedly, cooking is not one of my favorite things, but I do love eating the things he cooks, so I think that should count.) From now on, my BorkBorkBork posts will be going up over there, and since we now own a camera, I'll be able to take photos of my culinary efforts so you'll know how they're supposed to look...or rather how they look when I make them, anyway. Mind you, there probably won't be any cooking posts from me any time soon, since it's been approximately a million degrees here lately, which makes me lose all motivation to do...anything, really. However, I'm told that someday it WILL cool down, so there you have something to look forward to.

For those of you who are local (I'm not sure any of you readers are local, but who knows, you might visit!) we'll also be writing about local restaurants we go to.

I look forward to seeing you over there!

BorkBorkBork#4: Mexican Lime Pie

I found this recipe on a site called That's My Home! while trying to find a dessert for a Mexican-themed dinner I was making (perhaps my next BorkBorkBork entry will be the recipe for my oh-so-gooey and unhealthy creamy chicken enchiladas...then again, perhaps I should keep that a secret...). This is ridiculously easy to make, and it is so wonderfully refreshing when the weather is hot and muggy.

Lime Pie La Lechera

1 prepared 9-inch graham cracker crust

1 can Nestle La Lechera Sweetened Condensed Milk

1/2 C. (about 3 fresh limes worth) lime juice

1 tsp. grated lime zest

2 c. frozen non dairy whipped topping, thawed

1. Beat sweetened condensed milk and lime juice in small mixer bowl until combined; stir in lime peel.

2. Pour into crust, spread with whipped topping.

3. Refrigerate for 2 hours or until set.


This is extremely delicious -- you could probably substitute real whipped cream for the Cool Whip, but you'd need to add sugar because the pie is a little tart and benefits from the sweetness of the topping. I would never use real whipped cream because--to be honest--I don't like it. However, you COULD if you wanted to.

BorkBorkBork #3: Insanely Easy Cheesecake Fruit Pie

This recipe is something that is incredibly easy to throw together, and you can use just about any kind of fruit you want in it, though I prefer berries. I've made it with strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries, and each version was equally good. It'd probably also be tasty with cherries, or maybe chocolate chips....

Cheesecake Pie

Ingredients

1 package Jello Cheesecake flavored pudding
8 oz plain cream cheese
Milk (as require by pudding recipe)
Fruit (2 pints blueberries, strawberries, blackberries -- you can add more or less depending on your taste.)
1 Oreo or graham cracker pie crust

1. Bring cream cheese to room temperature
2. Mix pudding according to box instructions.
3. Whip cream cheese into pudding (I used a hand mixer, but you could probably use a stand mixer if you have one.) Cream until smooth and completely mixed.
4. Mix 3/4 of the fruit into the filling mixture. (Strawberries should be sliced, but any other berry could just be washed and thrown in whole.)
5. Pour filling into pie crust.
6. Add reminder of fruit to the top.
7. Refrigerate for at least an hour.

See, I told you that would be easy! It's nothing fancy, but in our house it almost never lasts more than one day.

BorkBorkBork #2: Deviled Ham Salad

I read a lot of food blogs. Mostly because I am a big fan of food. And I like to cook -- to a certain extent. I mean, I am not going to give Gordon Ramsey anything to worry about. Most of the things I cook fall into one of four categories: casseroles, appetizers & dips, sauces, or desserts. The other thing they all have in common is that they are pretty easy. So I figure that for my 6 loyal readers out there, I would broaden my blogging topics out into recipes. I call this feature "BorkBorkBork" after one of my favorite celebrity chefs, The Swedish Chef.

Today's offering is Deviled Ham Salad. I found this recipe on Homesick Texan, which is a great blog with a lot of terrific Tex-Mex food. I'd never had ham salad before, but the recipe looked simple enough, and I am usually enthusiastic about foods that are designed to be served on Ritz crackers. The recipe is as follows:

Deviled ham salad
Ingredients:
2 cups ham, chopped (I used a pre-cooked ham steak from the grocery store.)
1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper (about 1/4 of a pepper)
1/4 cup onion, finely diced (About half a small onion)
1 large dill pickle, diced (I used 3 dill sandwich stackers)
1 jalapeño, diced (I only put in half, but it depends how spicy you like things.)
3 tablespoons mayo (I used 4 tablespoons of mayo and 2 of mustard because I don't especially like mustard.)
3 tablespoons mustard
Salt and black pepper to taste

Method:
In a food processor, mix all the ingredients together until blended but not too smooth as you want a bit of texture. Taste and adjust any seasoning or add more mayonnaise and mustard if you like. A little drizzle of pickle juice is excellent as well.

Yield: About 2 cups. Keeps in the refrigerator for a few days.

I warn you, this is not an attractive food. At best, it looks like cat food, and at worst...well, it looks like used cat food, if you get my drift. However, don't let that keep you from scooping up blobs on to Ritz crackers, which is how The Boyfriend and I mowed through the first batch I made. Another great use is to make sandwiches with lettuce and tomato.

If any of you decide to try this, let me know how it turns out.

(I've got more favorite recipes up my sleeve for upcoming posts...)

Cannonball Read 2 #33: Heat by Bill Buford

The full title of this book is Heat: An Amateur's Adventures as Kitchen Slave, Line Cook, Pasta-Maker, and Apprentice to a Dante-Quoting Butcher in Tuscany. It sounds exciting, but for me it really was not. The writer, Bill Buford, decides--for reasons that are never fully explained--that he wants to be an apprentice to Mario Batali, a famous American chef. Buford takes a job in Batali's kitchen, travels around Italy learning the secrets of butchering, pasta making, and Italian food in general. There is a lot of information on Batali (most of which puts a serious dent in his Disney-fied Food Network image of cheerful sweetheart in goofy shoes--there is much discussion of his drug use, occasional bad temper, and lack of concentration on his business projects once he became famous) which can at least be somewhat amusing.

Maybe I would have enjoyed this book more if I were really into cooking. I bought it for The Boyfriend, and he really enjoyed it. I personally am not interested in reading five straight pages about digging through ancient Italian texts to discover when eggs started being used in pasta dough. I unfortunately do not care. I love pasta as much--or more!--than the next person, but I have no desire to understand its development and history. I just want to cover it in gravy and stuff it in my mouth.

For devoted foodies, this book is probably a great read. For anyone else, if you want to read funny writing about food, I recommend you try Anthony Bourdain instead.

Tidbits

It may be a while until I get my next Cannonball Read done, since I have tasked myself with reading Lord of the Rings. I am more than halfway through Fellowship of the Ring right now, which--after starting off fairly slowly--has become a lot more interesting. (I can see why the Tolkien purists got all pissed off about the movie, though. I love the movies, but they're pretty different.) I figure while you wait I'd collect a few thoughts for your amusement.

1. It took me all of five minutes to realize I was going to hate National Treasure: Book of Secrets, which I subjected myself to on Saturday. I'm pretty sure it shouldn't have taken me that long to hate it, but I like to give things the benefit of the doubt. However, once they screwed up the Lincoln assassination, though, nothing they did was going to be right so it didn't matter. Probably didn't help that the plot was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen committed to film. Did they let Jon Voight write that himself or something?

2. I watched the majority of Sydney White and was far more entertained than I feel I should have been.

3. Happened to catch Steel Magnolias on the WE channel. I don't know why I watch that movie--it always makes me bawl--but I can't pass it by if I see that it's on. I think it's just that I love Dolly Parton and Shirley McClaine. I feel as though lunch with those two would be the most hilarious meal of your life.

4. We are all VERY excited that America's Best Dance Crew is back on TV. I have been driving The Boyfriend nuts with my attempts to pop, lock, dip, tut, and New Jack Swing. (In case you hadn't guessed, I am not going to be qualifying for ABDC any time soon.) Starbucks Queen (our roommate) and I watch the episodes at least twice, and pay very close attention to the critiques. Also to what host L'il Mama is wearing, because sometimes her outfits are totally worth the price of admission (i.e. last season when she showed up for one episode in a bejeweled little hat, looking like a villainous stewardess.) The Boyfriend enjoys it because although it's a reality show, it showcases people for having talent, not just for being douchebags. Speaking of having talent-- Project Runway starts this week! Yaaaaaaay! And speaking of being douchebags...the new cycle of America's Next Top Model should be starting soon as well. Wheee!

5. And now for a new feature I like to call "Bork Bork Bork: Cooking with The Caustic Critic". This time, we're going with The Boyfriend's sister's taco salad, which is strangely delicious.

Dorito Chips (I used Nacho)
1 pkg Taco Seasoning
1 pound hamburger
Head of lettuce
Two tomatoes
Shredded Cheese or a block you can cube up! (I a block of sharp cheddar, but you could Monterrey Jack, too.)
Catalina dressing

A. Fry up the hamburger. Mix in the taco seasoning based on the taco seasoning directions. Allow to completely cool.

B. Cut up the lettuce. Quarter the tomatoes and remove all the seeds then dice into small pieces. Add the cheese. Once the hamburger is completely cooled add to the salad. Once you're ready to serve the salad mix in the Catalina dressing to taste. You can add the Dorito chips right into salad or you can serve it the way we do--take a handful of chips out of the bag, crumble slightly, and put on your plate as a bed for the salad. If you don't mix the chips directly into the main salad, you don't have to worry about the leftovers being full of soggy chips.

6. This whole insane heat-wave thing has got to end. I moved to Boston because I thought being several hundred miles north and near the ocean would mean cooler summers. Apparently I was the stupid one. I am now wondering how much a summer home in Svalbard will cost. I really need to make friends with someone who has a pool if this keeps going on...

7. Is anyone else out there watching True Blood? That show is f-ing crazy! There's always something going down, and usually they throw in a hot shirtless guy to sweeten the deal. Okay, yeah, the main character can be a little annoying, but with all that's been going on around her, who's to say I wouldn't be somewhat annoying in the same circumstances?

8. My therapist disappeared. I hadn't seen her since October, admittedly, but when I called the other day I got a "This phone has been disconnected" message. It kind of freaks me out.

9. I really just don't care about Brett Favre, okay? Would everyone please stop shoving him down my throat for five minutes? He should have retired three years ago--he could have gone out totally beloved and been a HERO in Green Bay. Instead he's this whiny, weepy jackass who can't make up his damn mind. Though who cares about my opinion--as far as football players go, if he's not Wes Welker I really don't care. (He's preeeeeeeeetty...)