In Which Your Author Gets Stoned and Watches Moonstruck

 

1. Cher is supposed to be 37 in this movie. That means I am already too old to find myself a Nic-Cage-In-his-prime of my own. This is definitely an appalling realization.                                                                                                                                                                   
2. In a semi-related note, I never used to understand why Loretta was willing to settle for Johnny, who is a giant man-baby. The older I get, the more sense it makes to me.                                                                                                                                                                
3. The character of Ronny is hilarious. I always missed it before because I was too busy being wowed by the pretty face and animal sex appeal, but his over-the-top melodrama absolutely kills me. I love it. He’s a filthy mess, with his hair a wreck, missing a tooth, yelling about how he needs THE BIG KNIFE, CHRISSY and yet would I? Oh yes indeed.                                                                                                                                   
4. In every way Cage is overstated, Olympia Dukakis was understated. She was brilliant here. She nails the exhaustion and frustration. (Though frankly, I don’t see what ANYBODY sees in Cosmo. These two women are busy fighting over a whiny plumber.)                                                                                                                                                                    
5. Everyone who won an Oscar for this deserved it. No discussion.                                                                                                                                                                                               
6. That is some very 80s chest hair, Mr. Cage.                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
7. How is that shop assistant who is in love with Ronny going to react when she finds out he CAN in fact love again?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
8. These yuppies that Cosmo sold piping to...like, are we supposed to think he's a good plumber?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
9. Seriously, what do people see in Cosmo? He is the goddamn WORST. Even Frazier’s dad is a better date.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
10. “Why don’t you go stand in front of your record player and listen to La Boheme at ear-shattering volume without even removing your coat, and I will immediately make myself at home in your kitchen and cook you food you did not ask for?” Loretta is also kind of a weirdo, tbh.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         
11. Is every man in this movie SUPPOSED to be garbage? I mean, Ronny is hot garbage, but garbage nonetheless.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
12. He IS a wolf. Agreed, Loretta. You’re drunk and babbling, but he is a wolf.                                                                                                                                                                       
13. “Where are you taking me?!” It’s a one-bedroom apartment, Loretta. There are not a lot of options.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
14. Holy balls...if my math is right, Cher was 41 when this was made, and Nic Cage was 23. You go, girl.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
15. “Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food, I’m gonna kick ya till you’re dead” is one of the greatest lines in cinema. I yelled an adapted version at an old man once who accosted me as I walked past the bench he was shitting on. (No. That is not a typo.)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
16. Good Lord, this is an awkward dinner. The food looks great, but I’m guessing Uncle Raymond and Aunt Rita wish they’d gotten take-out instead.                                                                                                                                                                                                             
17. Oh...the Twin Towers.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         
18. I look forward to the day I get old enough to take my half dozen dogs out for a walk to howl at the moon in Italian. Note to self: learn Italian.                                                                                                                                                                                                        
19. The next time someone says I’ve ruined their life, I can’t wait to respond with “it was ruined when I got here!” Note to self: ruin someone’s life.                                                                                                                                                                                                        
20. The part where he says “I’m in love with you” like it’s a regrettably forgone conclusion and she slaps him and yells “Snap out of it!” is just *chef’s kiss.*                                                                                                                                                                                       
21. Uncle Raymond and Aunt Rita are the true #RelationshipGoals of this film.                                                                                                                                                                             
22. Someday I’m going to go to the Met. Not because I like opera, but because I love this movie.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
23. Cher sure was beautiful.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
24. Am I supposed to believe that Ronny owns a tuxedo? Is he THAT MUCH of an opera lover that he goes often enough that he owns his own tuxedo? If not, did he go out and buy one that afternoon? Did he rent it?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
25. The most unrealistic part in this whole film is that Ronny notices that Loretta had her hair done. The fact that he mentions it is how I know this movie is meant to be magical realism or something.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
26. Cosmo deserves every terrible thing that happens to him. And his goomah is tacky as all hell (I like her style, but let’s be honest, I’m also tacky as hell).                                                                                                                                                                                              
27. Good on Olympia Dukakis for taking herself out to dinner, but is there only one restaurant in their neighborhood? She’s got the night to herself...does she not long for the exotic? Like burritos?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
28. And why does Frazier’s dad keep coming back there? Does he have some kink about being watched by a crowd as a much younger woman throws a drink on him and storms out? Could he not do that in other restaurants? If I was part of a scene like that, I’d be too embarrassed to go back to that restaurant again. In fact, I’d probably have to move.                                                                                                                                                 
29. In the timeframe of the film, he did this exact same thing literally two days ago. Why aren’t the waiters like “Dude. Again?” This is why I think he must do it all the time...and he must tip really well.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         
30. Does the Met really have a man with a cape who plays the xylophone to announce intermission is over? Well, now I not only have to visit, but I also have to see at least half a show.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
31. You know, I’d forgotten how much of the story is the other members of the family, and not just Ronny and Loretta.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
32. That look...the “Hello there! I have no idea what's going on, I’m just so happy to be here! With Loretta!” look Ronny does when they run into Cosmo SLAYS me.                                                                                                                                                                             
33. I feel like Olympia Dukakis is going to be glad she turned down Frazier’s dad, because when she sees him doing a scene with an undergrad in the middle of her favorite restaurant the next time she’s in there, she’ll be reassured he’s a giant idiot. Because they both go there all the time. Because it’s the only restaurant in the neighborhood apparently.                                                                                                                             
34. I understand how it could definitely be argued that Loretta made the wrong choice there...but GODDAMN do I understand why she made it. I’m pretty sure if anyone with those cheekbones ever looked at me like that and said “Get in my bed” I’d move so fast there would be a sonic boom.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
35. It’s really good that Johnny and Ronny’s mother recovered—otherwise everyone else would seem like very insensitive people.                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
36. The look on both Olympia and Cosmo's faces: “Oh God. My daughter is going to marry a moron. This is terrible.” No one is happy to see Johnny when he turns up, poor guy.                                                                                                                                                                    
37. Wait. Did Ronny put his full tux BACK ON after their night of passion? Because a night of passion is implied, but why would a man put his entire outfit from the night before back on IN HIS OWN HOUSE?! I will never be able to unsee this continuity error. And his neighbors must love the wailing opera record at the crack of dawn.                                                                                                                                                                             
38. Oh, okay, so maybe he got dressed again with the intention of going after Loretta...but how did he find her house? Did he just go knocking on doors asking “Is Loretta home?” until he found someone who was like “You’re looking for the Castorinis—they live over on the corner of Cherrywood”? Or did he follow her somehow? That’s sorta creepy.                                                                                                                                                                    
39. MY GOD, THE CHEEKBONES IN THIS FILM                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
40. Is he trying to be a dick, or does he REALLY want oatmeal? The beautiful thing about Nicolas Cage’s performance here is that it’s so hard to tell.                                                                                                                                                                                                
41. I love that Uncle Raymond and Aunt Rita show up in the middle of the Awkward Olympics, and instead of taking their bag and going, they’re like “Something exciting is about to happen, we should definitely stay. Ooh, coffee!” Maybe they actually enjoyed the dinner of extreme awkwardness? Maybe this is what they do for entertainment?                                                                                                                                                       
42. She didn’t make RONNY kneel to propose. Hmmmmmm...                                                                                                                                                                                               
43. Okay so: conclusions. This movie is still very silly, and no one in it has a clue about informed/enthusiastic consent, but I still adore it.                                                                                                                                                                                                               
44. Uncle Raymond and Aunt Rita are my favorite Not-Nicolas-Cage characters.                                                                                                                                                                          
45. Cher is #LifeGoals.

CBR5 #1: Jane Slayre by Sherri Browning Erwin (with Charlotte Bronte)

It's a new year and time for a new Cannonball Read! I didn't manage to finish last year--I got SO CLOSE and then somehow pooped out at the end--but I am getting back on the horse to try and complete all 52 reviews this year. For any of you who might be interested, learn about the CBR here. Although I haven't always been successful, the CBR is a great motivator to keep making blog entries. If my tags are to be believed, I have written reviews for 261 books since I started, which is not too shabby.

Anyway, enough with that and on to the first review!

I must first say that I really like the original Jane Eyre. It's a great story with an original and interesting heroine who was waaaay ahead of her time.

That said, the story is distinctly lacking in vampires.

Sherri Browning Erwin has solved that minor problem in Jane Slayre. Now, instead of just being terrible people, her aunt and cousins are vampires! And the school she goes to isn't just miserable and run by a cold-hearted Christian fundamentalist--it's also crawling with zombies! And let's not even discuss what Mr. Rochester has got hiding in his attic!

Although this could have become rather stupid, it was actually pretty well done. The horror elements were layered on to the original tale without overwhelming it. It was a bit like a hidden picture puzzle for me, watching where the elements of Bronte's story were woven in, and trying to predict how they would effect the story of the unloved-orphan-turned-vampire-slayer.

For purists, this is probably a book to avoid. Mind you, I don't think Jane Eyre attracts the same ravening fanboy following as--for example--Lord of the Rings. I'm sure there's people out there who might find the way Erwin has changed the story offensive. If you're one of those people...don't read it. You won't like it, and no one wants to hear you complain. If you are a person who can see the humor in the idea, and are willing to put aside the idea that this is a corruption of "lit-ra-toor," then you might just enjoy this.

CBR4 #35: Catch Up 2: Electric Boogaloo

In my ongoing attempts to catch up with my blogging for the Cannonball Read, here are five more mini-reviews on books I have read (I was going to add "recently" to this sentence, then realized that I read some of these in July, which is no longer considered "recent". Oops).

1. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris: These books just keep getting stupider and more outlandish, but I still keep right on gobbling them up. They are the literary equivalent of Velveeta, but I just can't quit them. In this entry (allegedly the next-to-last in the Sookie series), there is a mystery, and some complications, and some stupid vampire politics, and stupid faerie politics, and Sookie Gets In Trouble Yet Again! Her relationship with Eric is down the tubes (boo, I really liked Eric) and there are just waaaay too many characters. I'm kind of glad this series is ending, because I think the author's been tired of it since somewhere around book eight. I'll read the final one when it comes out, but I'll breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. (The show became so unbearably stupid last year that not even Alexander Skaarsgard could tempt me to watch it anymore. And that is saying a lot about the level of stupidity, because he is VERY PRETTY.)

2. The Dead Path by Stephen Irwin: Nick Close sees dead people. Unfortunately, he only sees them repeat their final, fatal moments...over and over and over again. Even worse, one of these tragic souls is his beloved wife. Needing to get away from the scene of her death, he goes to visit his parents in his home town, only to find that his problem has followed him. And his hometown can be a dangerous place, particularly for children. Now Nick must use his dubious talent to find a way to stop the evil that lurks in the shadowy woods. This book wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything particularly thrilling, either. Nothing about it was especially memorable, and it didn't exactly keep me awake at night with terror.

3. Wisconsin Death Trip by Michael Lesy: This is like a coffee table book of death and insanity. Author Michael Lesy has combined creepy photos from the late 19th century, taken by a little-known Black Falls, WI photographer with snippets from newspapers and medical records from the time--all from the same desolate area of Wisconsin. It reads like a litany of misery, death, disease, mental disintegration, and generalized anguish. I watched the documentary film narrated by Sir Ian Holm, which was pretty interesting, though creepy. However, the book is almost too much, and too morbid. I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone unless they were very interested in that area and time period. Plus, the author's introduction and end-note are about as artsy-fartsy and pretentious as you can get without wearing a beret.

4. Pariah by Bob Fingerman: Zombies. This time, the main characters are the residents of an Upper East Side apartment building. They survived the initial apocalypse, only to find themselves beginning to starve. Luckily, a teenage girl comes walking through the throngs of zombies, able to move among them without being bothered. She's their savior, but who--or what--is she? Where does she get her ability to move unnoticed amongst the undead? The apartment building's survivors are both grateful and suspicious. And a few of them are not very nice people. In fact, they're just as dangerous as the drooling hordes outside. This isn't a great zombie book, but it's not the worst I've read. There are flashes of ironic humor, and most of the characters are sympathetic. I didn't think the main mystery of the plot was adequately explained, but it wasn't all that bad.

5. The Pariah by Graham Masterton: This is another story about a widower who sees his wife's ghost. However, John Trenton isn't the only one who sees his wife Jane. And Jane's ghost is not content with quietly haunting--Jane is angry. So are the other ghosts in the coastal town of Granitehead. As John comes to find out, something happened in Granitehead long ago that the town's forefathers kept a dark secret. The problem is, that dark secret is starting to get out. Not a bad book, though I found it a bit draggy through the middle.

And there you have it -- five books for the price of a single Cannonball Read entry! I have been reading a lot of horror stories this year (can't seem to get enough of them) and it's a genre that has a LOT of variation in quality. I'll be getting to some better examples later on. For now, this is what you're getting. ;) Enjoy!

Sequels: Clerks II and Road House 2: Last Call

Sequels.

Sometimes they work and sometimes they do not. Recently, I ran across examples of both in the same evening. In the course of ONE EVENING, I watched both Clerks II and Road House 2: Last Call.

Actually, let's say I "watched" Clerks II and "subjected myself to" Road House 2.

Perhaps I should define for you what I think makes a good sequel, and explain why these two films do/do not qualify.

1. A good sequel is a rational extension of the original film. In this case, CII is a continuation of the lives of the characters from the first film. RH2 takes place in an entirely different place, with different people, and an almost entirely unrelated plot. There IS a bar, and there ARE some bad guys, but that's about as far as the resemblance goes. With the exception of a few mentions of Dalton and how he's the father of the main character in RH2 (as well as a few admittedly funny "I thought you'd be taller" jokes) this movie had absolutely nothing to do with Road House. In fact, it feels like it was written as a separate film and then adjusted to satisfy some studio suit. According to IMDB, this was originally meant to star Patrick Swayze reprising the role of Dalton, but he backed out (likely because the damn thing was so obviously bad) and it lingered in development hell until 2006, when it was changed to accommodate a new actor.

2. A good sequel will generally include the majority of the original actors/actresses. Unless the first film was an ungodly trauma to film, or unless the stars have have become SO HUGE that doing a sequel is beneath them, they should want to come back and do a sequel, even if a lot of time has gone by. Obviously, you don't want exactly the same cast--new cast members keep things fresh, as Rosario Dawson and Trevor Fehrman do in Clerks II--but the audience wants to see familiar faces. The Ocean's 11 franchise is an example of a group that did well with consistently adding new blood while still managing to bring back the original cast. A sequel without a single member of the original cast spells very serious trouble. That means they either waited too long or it was soooo bad that no one wanted to get near it.

3. A good sequel will acknowledge he time that has passed between the original film and the sequel. In CII, the whole idea is that time has passed and Dante and Randal have reached a point in their lives where things have to change. The gap between the events of the first and second film are explained as the natural passing of people's lives. The crux of the characters' problems have to do with that time passage. RH2 definitely takes place after Road House--theoretically about three decades later, since Dalton did not have a son (he barely had a girlfriend) in the first film and now his son is about thirty and working for the DEA. There are references to Dalton and his death, but the events of the first film are not even mentioned--they just took the name and referenced it once or twice. Not very creative, frankly.

4. A good sequel brings something new to the table without losing sight of what made the original so likeable in the first place. Kevin Smith has done a good job with this in CII. The things that made Clerks so great were the relationship between Dante and Randal, the conversations they had both with each other and with the people who surrounded them, the pop culture references, and the pure grade A raunch. He's done all that in Clerks II, and has also added some new elements. The familiar has been effectively combined with the new in a way that--IMO--is both comforting and intriguing. RH2 feels as though they've used all the same pieces that were combined to create Road House, but somehow they don't fit together quite the same. The older mentor, the girl in distress who is secretly connected to the villain, the crazy villain who likes to smash things, the final showdown (right down to the car that hurtles up to the bad guys minus driver)--they're all there, but somehow they feel forced. It wouldn't have been a particularly bad movie on its own, but it suffered from comparisons to the original.

Basically, what I am trying to say here is simple:

A. Road House 2: Last Call was an abomination that never should have been made, or at least should not have pretended it had anything at all to do with Road House. They could have called it Bar Brawl: Guns, Drugs, and Pelicans or DEA on Airboats or Punching and Explosions in the Bayou and it would have been the same film without all the undue expectations. Plus, as much as I enjoyed Jake Busey's performance as the villain (and God knows I do enjoy Jake Busey and his giant, terrifying Busey teeth), the acting was nothing special, leaving the whole thing just on this side of blaaaaah.

B. Clerks II was everything I wanted it to be. If you liked Clerks, and if you like Kevin Smith's films in general, you will probably enjoy Clerks II. However, if you DON'T like Kevin Smith's movies, don't bother seeing this one. To try and convince an anti-Smith person to like it would be a tremendous waste of time because it is so very him. The subject matter is raunchy, the language is appalling, and it consists of a LOT of time spent watching people stand around a fast food restaurant and talk to one another. Dante is still a whiny baby, but I loved Randal just as much or more than I ever did. There were some great conversations and quoteable moments, and I also really really liked the scene in the prison, because I think it illustrated well the relationship between the two main characters.  Rosario did well as the love interest, and the dance scene was a pleasant surprise. It was also wonderful to see Jay and Silent Bob one more time. (I will say that although I find Jason Mewes a sexy beast, the 'Goodbye Horses' bit was a little disturbing. I suppose it's more funny if you realize going into it that this is something he does to Kevin Smith randomly on a regular basis.) I guess I just loved the movie, but I'm kind of a fan girl. Take that as you will.

Maybe someday I will favor you all with my opinions on the second Boondock Saints film and why it sucks and I think Ghostbusters 2 is my favorite. Do any of you have thoughts on sequels?

CR3 #37: Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris

Dead Reckoning is the eleventh book in Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire (aka True Blood) series. I pre-ordered it as soon as the option existed, and it arrived last week, much to my delight.

Did any of you see the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie? If you did, maybe you'll understand my feelings about this book. I LIKED the first PotC movie a lot, and I liked the second one quite a bit, too. I was invested in what was going to happen to the characters I cared about. The third movie had bits that I really really enjoyed. I got to find out the continuing story of Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann. However, the plot was a complete disaster, and it was as if the writer accepted some kind of dare to wedge in as many old AND new characters as possible. Even though I mostly enjoyed it, the whole thing was a sloppy, wildly overdone wreck, saved only by the main characters' sheer presence, the exit of several unpleasant and/or boring characters, and by the fact that the set-up for the sequel leaves openings for some really exciting stuff to happen.

In case you're wondering, that's exactly how I felt about Dead Reckoning. If you follow the series, the obviously you must read this. But under no circumstances should anyone attempt to read this as a stand-alone book. It'd simply be impossible.

CR3 #31: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

I know, I know. I am waaaaay behind on this whole Harry Potter thing. Both my parents have managed to finish the entire series at least once (I'm pretty sure my Dad has read them all half a dozen times) and I am just now getting around to it. I am, like, five years behind the rest of civilization. I KNOW. Here's how it happened: in the summer of 2003, when I was living by myself, recovering from the departure of The Sacred Cow and The Prancing Prince, I was quite depressed and didn't leave my house for about two weeks. During that time, my sub-letter loaned me the first five Harry Potter books, which I read over the course of about 3 days. I love the first four, but the fifth? I kind of hated Order of the Phoenix. There was not enough Hogwarts and far too much of Harry's self-absorbed whinging. I thought about pre-ordering book 6, but then wasn't sure if I could take another 500 pages of "Booody-hoo, why must I be special? Woe is me, this is all so annoying for ME, the marvelous, talented, and oh-so righteous Harry Potter!" I decided I'd wait. And then...somehow...nearly 8 years passed. The other day, I was flipping through the channels and saw that Half-Blood Prince was available on OnDemand, and I had a sudden desire to watch it. However, I didn't want to be one of those people who just watches the movie, so I went ahead and ordered the book.

I am so glad I did! I remember now what I enjoyed so much about the first four books in the series. The plot continues without a lot of dragging, and it is interesting to get more of Voldemort's back story. Another great thing is that Ron and Hermione are back front and center, which is great, as they are my favorite characters. Harry is still self-absorbed, self-righteous, and whiny, but at least he has calmed down somewhat, and also has begun to recognize that behavior in himself. There are many side characters, and nearly all are intriguing, funny, or endearing. Rowling deftly weaves a story of good, evil, betrayal, and intrigue into typical high school hijinks like first girlfriends and sports rivalries. There are some surprising revelations, and from this point on, no character is safe. On the whole, it's a fun story and I'm glad I finally relented and decided to read it.

Of course, now I MUST get hold of book seven -- I went to a bookstore and tried to buy a copy, and they tried to charge me THIRTY-SEVEN DOLLARS for it! I guess I will have to wait for my used copy ($4) to arrive from Amazon before I can find out how the saga ends!

CR3 #30: The First Wives Club by Olivia Goldsmith

I saw the movie of The First Wives Club before I read the book. It's a cute chick flick, in which scorned women take comedic revenge on their former spouses. They become better friends and everyone winds up happy in the end. I was somewhat surprised (though not much--the differences between film and literature are often wide) at how different the book was--I am used to changes in plot or small character changes (combining two characters into one, or perhaps changing to a more pleasant ending) but the major change here between novel and movie was the tone.

The story is basically the same; After a close friend's suicide, three middle-aged female friends get together and beginning reviewing their lives. They realize that much like their late friend, they have been screwed over by the men in their lives--the men used them to get to their high social and financial positions, then screwed them over both personally and financially. The three women decide to use their wits and their connections to punish the men who have treated them poorly.

The book is much darker than the movie--the husbands are terrible people, but then again so are most of the society people the women meet. The worst is their dead friend Cynthia's husband Gil, and the wives vow that he will pay for the way he drove Cynthia to her death. He plays a much larger part in the book, and is closely connected with the other three husbands. The wives are all complex characters with their own strengths and flaws. Annie is a reserved housewife, who has spent most the past sixteen years devoted to a daughter with Down's syndrome. She dreams of being a writer, but gave up her ideals when she married her husband Aaron. Now, Aaron has left Annie to marry her former therapist. Brenda is an Italian-Jewish woman who fills the void in her life with food now that her husband--an appliance salesman and local TV celebrity--has left her for a young gallery owner. Elise, the last member of the group, is an aging actress from a very wealthy family. Her repressive upbringing combines with the difficulties of being an aging woman in Hollywood and the desertion of her husband Bill to lead to drinking and bad choices. All three women realize that beyond taking revenge on their former husbands, they also need to take charge of their own lives.

On the whole I liked the book--the punishments for the husbands were more brutal (though not as creative) as in the movie, but seeing the men getting what they deserved was definitely satisfying. The women were also multi-dimensional, and not just harpies out for revenge. The side characters were definitely amusing--including a gay interior decorator who learned English watching Desi Arnaz, a crusading SEC investigator, a naive paparazzo, and the other eccentric members of New York's high society--and lent a certain amount of variety to the proceedings. This is definitely "chick lit," but it's at least both well-written and not insulting to women of intelligence.

Things I Like

I do not normally endorse things (besides books and TV, I guess) but I have a couple things/services that I am really happy about at the moment, and I feel like sharing. I am not being paid or receiving any special favors in exchange for this post--in fact, I doubt any of these entities have any idea I am writing this. This is just me telling you stuff I think you should buy because it is awesome. Take it or leave it.

1. Cake Balls: A lovely woman on Etsy who has a store called The Fetching Hound makes a delicious treat she calls Bitty Bites. Everyone in my immediate circle calls them cake balls, and they are THE SHIT. They are basically balls of moist, wonderful cake dipped in either chocolate or some kind of frosting. She makes a bunch of flavors, though my personal favorite is the carrot cake. They are great to send someone for a gift (or great to order and simply stuff your face with -- I am not judging!)

2. Trader Joe's: I have become obsessed with Trader Joe's. I never thought I could fall in love with a grocery store, but here I am! For those of you who are unfamiliar, Trader Joe's is a store that keeps prices down by basically only selling their own brand of products. However, their products are great, so it's not like you're losing out on anything. The things I love specifically are:

• Their produce is considerably nicer than that at the grocery store I used to go to. I no longer lose half of every potato to eyes or dark spots. Hell, I don't even really have to peel their potatoes.
• The frozen foods are great. Specifically, the Mandarin Orange Chicken and Vegetable Fried rice are to die for. We eat them at least once a week, and would eat them more if given the chance. Nothing like reasonable, tasty weeknight meals that can be put together in less than half an hour. They've also got a frozen quinoa mix that is extremely tasty.
• The Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo: My hair is finicky at best, and I have spent several years trying to find a shampoo that really works on a daily basis. There was a time in the recent past when I had EIGHT different shampoos in my shower. Now I have one, and it is glorious.
• Everything Pretzel Slims: They are basically just the crispy outside of pretzels, covered with the stuff you'd find on an everything bagel. Wonderful for snacking or dipping.

3. The Body Shop's Body Butter: As well as picky hair, I have unbelievably difficult skin, particularly in the winter. This is the ONLY stuff that helps, and believe me I have tried it all. I don't know about any of the other scents, but I use the Satsuma, and it is not objectionable.

4. Bath & Body Works Spa Socks: I totally live in these when I'm not at work. They don't seem to make a masculine version (unless you are a gentleman who enjoys brightly colored stripes and/or dots...and I know there are some of you out there.) Most have the little rubber dots on the bottom to keep you from careening across any hardwood floor you may encounter, but a warning: they do generate a certain amount of static electricity.

5. The Knifty Knitter Circle Loom Set: I long to be crafty, but I have neither the patience nor the coordination to actually learn to knit. With this set, I managed to knock out a perfectly serviceable (and not unattractive) hat in just one afternoon. There are many other uses, including making mittens, scarves, and socks...though I don't have the book to learn those quite yet. Still, these are pretty sweet and made me feel like a true crafter.

If any of you have any recommended products, let me know. And if you only look into one thing on this list, check out the cake balls. You will NOT regret it (though your waistline might!)

CR3 #7: Poppy Done to Death by Charlaine Harris

Poppy Done to Death is the eighth (and probably last) book in Charlaine Harris's Aurora Teagarden series. Aurora is a librarian in a small Southern town where everyone knows one another and where paths always seem to cross. She is very petite and considered a bit eccentric by the locals, and often given a wide berth due to her habit of being in the middle of murder mysteries.

She is recovering from the death of her husband Martin, and is beginning a relationship with an old friend. Things seem to be going well and then--as always seems to happen to Roe--tragedy strikes. Her sister-in-law Poppy (her mother's husband's son's wife) is brutally murdered, and Roe takes it upon herself to help investigate the crime. Poppy was somewhat wild, which makes the investigation more difficult, since it left her with more than the average number of enemies. To complicate things, Roe's younger half-brother arrives unexpectedly to thrown a cog into the whole process.

On the whole, it's an all right book. I enjoy the character of Roe, and was satisfied with the the way things ended for her. The mystery of the book is also adequate, though I felt the solution came out of left field a bit. I am certainly going to miss Roe, but it is not a bad way for the series to end.

Addendum to 'Observations'

I forgot, when mentioning television shows I've been watching, to bring up Hawaii Five-O. However, I can't pretend that I watch it for any reason other than to drool dreamily at teensy, cranky, adorably Jersey Scott Caan. Therefore, it's probably best to not bring it up.


P.S. I fucking LOVE Scott Caan, okay? I just want to bring him home and snuggle him like a lost hamster. Is that so wrong?

P.P.S. The show itself is not terrible. Sometimes it (mostly Scott Caan) is funny. The scenery is very beautiful, and sometimes Alex O'Laughlin takes his shirt off (why not you, Scott Caan?) and that is beautiful too.

P.P.P.S. Actual native Hawaiian actors are being used, it seems, which is a good thing.

P.P.P.P.S. Scott Caan, people. If he's wrong, I don't want to be right.

P.P.P.P.P.S: Don't worry, Nic Cage. Scott Caan is just a fling. You know I'll always love you best.

A True Blood Post: Because I am Possibly the Biggest Dork Alive

Unfortunately, neither The Boyfriend nor Starbucks Queen are even the slightest bit interested in True Blood, and most of the people I know who are have either only read the books or only seen the show or are behind on the show because they're watching it on DVD or whatever. Therefore, I am spewing out all my opinions here because I can't keep them to myself any longer.

Reasons the Books are Better than the Show:

1. Sookie is a lot less annoying when you can't hear her. I like Anna Paquin, and think she mostly does an okay job with the character (though this season the writing for her has been weak at best) but sometimes she has a voice like a dental drill. Particularly when she is shrieking "BEEEEEEEEEELL!" every 38 seconds.

2. In the books, Alcide is a hottie and he and Sookie have crazy chemistry. On the show he has all the personality of a garden hose, and he and Sookie seem to barely like one another. He's been underused this season, but I'm not exactly sad, because the actor playing him is a significant disappointment.

3. The books are a little more focused than the show, allowing the Sookie character to be more important. They're told from her point of view, so reader can find her character more sympathetic.

4. The fairy Claudine is more awesome and interesting and involved and less "Whoo, I'm mysterious and pointy-faced in my fuzzy-filtered Stevie Nicks world!" Her character personality-wise is much more similar in the books to what Maryanne was last season. In the books, Claudine is an active and vital force for good out in the world rather than the twinkly, whimpering doom-whisperer she's been thus far on the show.

5. There is a lot less Arlene in the books. I find Arlene and her storyline sort of annoying this season, though I think the actress is doing the best she can with the little she's been given. She's a shrill character, and I wish she'd been improved instead of turned into a whiny stereotype and easy doorway for witchcraft to enter the show.

6. Calvin Norris is an interesting and complicated character, instead of a deranged meth head who shouldn't have even showed up until season 4. I was extremely disappointed at how he's been used in the show, since his character in the books is another option for Sookie--a slightly more "normal" guy who wants to give her a more "normal" life. I mean, aside from being a panther, obviously.

7. Bubba! I know why they can't use him on the show, but I do miss him.

Reasons the Show is Better Than the Books:

1. Lafayette doesn't die! In the books, he's a throwaway character who gets murdered at the end of book one. In the show, he is just a huge bowl of awesome and Nelsan Ellis should get an award or a big check or something. He's an effeminate-looking gay tough guy, who has a lot of great lines, and I'm happy that he finally has someone to appreciate him, though I'm not sure I like where this Jesus thing is going.

2. Jason is a better character. In the books he's kind of a selfish jerk, whereas in the show he is sometimes self-involved, but sweet...though not very bright. Often, watching Jason try to puzzle out what's going on around him and figure out what the appropriate response should be is the funniest part of the episode. I am admittedly rather unimpressed with him and his whole wannabe-cop, dating the meth-girl story line this season. He's a much better brother than he is in the books, though, and I have liked his interactions with Sookie.

3. Although this season the side characters have gotten a little out of control, in the past I have enjoyed how some of the very minor book characters have developed their own lives and personalities and story lines. Terry Bellefleur is a great example of this--he's mentioned in the books in passing, but I have liked his character and become invested in what happens to him (frankly, his relationship with Arlene and falling out with Sam has me very concerned at the moment). Sam is another character that is not nearly as important in the books as he is in the show. It's interesting to see him have his own life, though I could have happily done without his creepy white-trash family. (Also, the dude who plays him is adorable and apparently not shy about getting naked a lot.)

4. Jessica! She's a completely new invention from Alan Ball, and she's great -- a young vampire, a counterpoint to Bill, Eric, Pam, and all the other vamps we know who are centuries old. She's a modern girl trying to figure out how to behave and where her place in the world might be. The interactions between her and Bill (her unwilling surrogate dad, who--we're led to believe--is nicer to her than her real dad ever was), her and Sookie (both a surrogate mom and an older sister, helping Jessica see how a nice--but not stiflingly sheltered--girl behaves), her and Hoyt (one of the cutest relationships on the show), and her and Pam (who shows her how a BAD girl behaves) are all great and show different sides of familiar characters.

5. As many have been mentioning this season, Dennis O'Hare's Russell Edgington has been campy fun all the way around. Although his storyline is very different than it was in the books, he's been a delight to watch in every episode. He's another person who deserves an award or a large check (particularly since I think his character doesn't have much longer to live.)

Things That are Ties:

1. Tara in the books is a minor side character who is not very interesting. I really liked her character in Season One, but she all of season two and most of season three weeping around. I miss when she was feisty. I did enjoy her recent conversation with Sam, but she seriously needs to stop getting all the "victim" stories.

2. Sam's brother, a recent addition, could go either way. I'm not sure if the show is better because he's in it or the books are better because he's not. Although I like that he's kind of scrappy, and his crush on Jessica is kind of cute, he can be a pain-in-the-ass for no reason. Like, okay, you are uneducated and have daddy issues and mommy issues and class issues. Stop treating Sam like trash and let him help you out, pitbull face.

3. The Queen is not interesting to me in the books or the show. She is just dull and mostly used as a plot point rather than a real character.

4. I'd really like to see Sookie's friendship with Pam develop as it does in the books, but so far, Kristen Bauer has done a great job being icy and sarcastic and yet deeply attached to her maker on the show.

5. Eric is awesome no matter where he is. I really don't know how he could be improved. Then again, I am a sucker for a saucy viking.

Any other thoughts?

Cannonball Read 2 #47: Calico Palace by Gwen Bristow

After reading all those very heavy non-fiction war books, I felt like I could use a little break. I needed something fluffy and simple to relax my poor over-extended brain, so I picked up Calico Palace by Gwen Bristow. It's an historical fiction romance, much like Bristow's other book, The Jubilee Trail (one of my favorite no-brainer romances.)

In the Calico Palace, young Kendra ends up on the west coast of the USA during the mid-nineteenth century, just in time to be involved in the 1849 gold rush. This is the story of her and her friends (including Marny, an independent woman who runs a gambling parlor) and their struggle to thrive in the newly settled wilderness as gold fever takes hold. The characters are met by a variety of obstacles, including abandonment, disease, weather, fire, and human nature. They all manage to overcome and end up more or less happily ever after.

To be honest, it's almost the same basic plot and character types as The Jubilee Trail, though I found it a little less enchanting. On the whole, it's a very sweet book with some interesting historical context.

Summer TV: 2010

It's that time of year again, when I tell you what's great to watch if you are a couch potato like me. The summer shows are surprisingly good this year, and I have also found that reality TV is playing almost no part in my summer. Which is good--I think supporting scripted television is totally the way to go.

Rizzoli & Isles (TNT Mondays 10pm): This isn't anything particularly special, but it's a competent procedural, and it's nice to see a show with females as the leads in this genre. I always liked Angie Harmon when she was on Law & Order, and Sasha Alexander was great during her stint on NCIS. The two of them are believable as friends, though they're only a few episodes in to the series and are still finding the characters' rhythm. I'm pleased to see Donnie Wahlberg working, since I think he is the less attractive but more talented of the Wahlberg brothers. Main distraction: every time Bruce McGill comes on screen I find myself squealing "D-Day!"

Memphis Beat (TNT Tuesdays 10pm): I'm still not sold on this one yet, but I'm giving it a chance. I like Jason Lee (despite the fact that he's a scientologist) and Alfre Woodard (remember when they played a couple in Mumford?). The cases are not particularly complicated, but they're enough to keep me watching. The side characters are funny, but I think may of them are under-utilized. Also, while I get the whole "Memphis" emphasis, sometimes the constant music cues get to be a little much. I'm not sure if this one is going to improve, since it could very well become extremely monotonous. It's not a "can't miss" but it's serviceable.

White Collar (USA Tuesdays 9pm): Con-man extraordinaire Neal Caffrey is back, and he is just as charming as ever. This season, the mystery of the music box continues, as well as Neal and Peter trying to figure out who killed Kate at the end of season one. The weekly cases are interesting and clever. Matt Bomer is really excellent in the role, and the interplay between him and Tim McKay (as FBI agent Peter Burke) continues to improve. Willie Garson is also still very funny as Neal's underworld friend Mozzie. I give this one a definite thumbs up.

Warehouse 13 (SyFy Tuesdays 9pm): Warehouse agents Myka and Pete are back, trying to keep society safe from the mysterious artifacts that belong in the Warehouse (think the place where the Ark of the Covenant went at the end of Indiana Jones...) Eccentric boss Artie, the mysterious Mrs. Frederic, and computer genius Claudia track artifacts all over the world. It's hard to explain, but for those who are into sci-fi, it's a fun little show. Not a "can't miss" but totally watchable. I just hope the show ends before they finally hook up Myka and Pete, since their current relationship is great to watch.

Psych (USA Wednesdays 10pm): This show has probably "jumped the shark" but I still watch it for the characters. The cases are really sort of lame, but as long as you acknowledge that they're just excuses for the characters to be doing things, they're all right. James Roday--who has written, directed, and produced a surprising number of episodes--and Dule Hill (as "psychic" Shawn and his sidekick, nervous and uptight Gus) make me laugh every single episode. The screenwriters may be struggling for plots, but their dialogue never fails me. Carlton Omundson as the tightly-wound Detective Lassiter is also a treat. As long as you don't expect too much from this, it can be a highly entertaining hour of TV.

Hot in Cleveland (TVLand Wednesdays 10pm): This is an old-school sitcom, "Taped in front of a live studio audience" and all. It has all the typical sitcom cliches, but I have really been enjoying it. Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves, and Wendie Malick star as three women from L.A. who decide to move to Cleveland on a whim. They rent a house that comes with a cantankerous caretaker (Betty White.) They suffer the usual travails of single women in their late 30s-early 40s as well as making the cultural adjustment from Hollywood to the Midwest. The women have good chemistry, and as cheesy as the situations are (blind dates, visiting parents, fashion disasters) it's still fun. Sort of Golden Girls for the new millennium.

Burn Notice (USA Thursdays 9pm): Burn Notice is back once again. This is another show that isn't nearly as innovative as it was in its early seasons, but it's still worth watching, if only for the performances of Jeffrey Donovan (whom I saw throw out the first pitch at a Red Sox game! Whoo!) and Bruce Campbell. Anything Bruce Campbell does is okay with me, really. This season, Michael is trying to chase down another giant dangerous conspiracy, with the help of Fiona and young spy Jesse (Coby Bell) whom--unbeknownst to him--Michael accidentally got burned. The question of course being how long Michael can keep his secret from Jesse while ostensibly helping him get his revenge. There hasn't been nearly enough of Sharon Gless as Michael's mother this season, but hopefully that will change.

Royal Pains (USA Thursdays 10pm): I am not sure why I watch this 'private doctor in the Hamptons serving quirky rich people' show, to be honest. I am generally not a fan of medical shows, but for some reason I enjoy this one. I think--as with most USA shows--I'm a fan of the characters, despite the slightly stupid situations they're often subjected to. USA really takes seriously their "Characters Welcome" slogan. While the plots of their shows aren't the greatest, I think as a channel the characters on their original programming are very enticing.

Project Runway (Lifetime Thursdays 8pm): Project Runway starts this Thursday and I am really excited, though not sure that expanding the episodes to 1.5 hours is a good idea. While I like to think we'll get more discussion of the process of designing and watching the designers struggle in the workroom with making their ideas into reality, then defending them on the runway, I have a sneaking suspicion it just means more time for cattiness and crying. They can cry...as long as they cut and cry.

Haven (SyFy Fridays 10pm): This one is not really very good. It's supposedly based on Stephen King's novel The Colorado Kid except it seems to have very little if anything to do with the book as I remember it. FBI agent Audrey Parker comes to small town of Haven for an investigation and decides to stay once she sees a photograph of a mysterious woman who could be her mother. Haven is a weird place full of very quirky locals where people can control the weather and music can drive sane people crazy and crazy people sane, and Audrey kind of digs the weird. She joins the local police force and is partnered with native son Nathan (son of the sheriff) who has a medical condition that doesn't allow him to feel pain. The two of them run around investigating weird happenings (according to locals, it's the return of "The Troubles") while Audrey tries to find out about her past. To be honest, I kind of only watch this for Eric Balfour--who plays town bad boy Duke Crocker--because as it turns out, at some point he got insanely skankiliciously hot. (When did that happen? Last I remember he was gawky and his head was too big and he sort of reminded me of Lurch with a bad goatee.) Anyway, it's another show that people who like sci-fi might like. Or people who like hot guys--Lucas Bryant, who plays Nathan, is fairly attractive as well--might like it too.

True Blood (HBO Sundays at 9): GODDAMN THIS SHOW IS EXCITING! LAFAYETTE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND WHO KNOWS WHAT HIS DEAL IS AND TARA GOT KIDNAPPED BY AN INSANE VAMPIRE BUT SHE ESCAPED AFTER CLUBBING HIM OVER THE HEAD AND I THINK HE IS GOING TO BE REALLY PISSED WHEN HE WAKES UP AND THE KING OF MISSISSIPPI KILLED ERIC'S FAMILY AND HAS HIS FATHER'S CROWN ON DISPLAY WHICH IS KIND OF TACKY NOW ERIC'S OUT FOR REVENGE AND LORENA'S GOT BILL ALL TIED DOWN AND TORTURED AND SOOKIE IS STILL...WELL, VERY WHINY BUT I'M SURE SHE'LL GET IT TOGETHER SOON AND THE QUEEN IS IN A TIGHT SPOT AND SAM'S WHITE TRASH FAMILY ARE FIGHTING HIS BROTHER IN DOGFIGHTS AND JESSICA AND ARLENE SHOULD HAVE A SITCOM AND OKAY SO I TOTALLY FAST FORWARD THROUGH ALL THE JASON PARTS BECAUSE HE BORES ME AND THAT STORYLINE SHOULDN'T EVEN SHOW UP UNTIL BOOK FOUR AND NAZI WEREWOLVES WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO SAY?!?! *pantpantpantpant* It's not something that everyone will enjoy because really it's just a soap opera with vampires and werewolves and whatnot. However, I am simply mad for it because I am a goob. You should hear me yammering away at The Boyfriend when each episode ends. He tends to nod his head and back away slowly.

We also watch a rather stunning number of cooking shows--particularly Diners, Drive-ins, and & Dives (shout out to Minnesota Missy, who works on the show) and really anything else Guy Fieri is on, and several considerably nerdier cooking shows on PBS. Plus there's an endless parade of sports, plus new Futuramas.

On the whole, it's not a bad summer for TV. I'll be excited to see what's new in the fall but I'm not suffering any withdrawal so far!

Cannonball Read 2 #35: Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris

Sookie Stackhouse is back, still recovering from the bloody battle at the end of her previous adventure. In her latest outing, there are vampire politics, fairy intrigue, werewolf betrayal, and another psychic. Not to mention the usual small-town interactions. When Erik's maker shows up with a special guest in tow, things go from crazy to downright insane!

I loved this book, though I did feel that occasionally the plot was in danger of flying off the rails, and there were a few moments when I wondered exactly what had happened. Luckily, I'm not nearly as sensitive about plot holes or logic issues as some people are, and was able to enjoy Sookie's drama-filled life. I'm also a big fan of Erik, and he was prominent in book #10.

On the whole, another great entry in the Sookie Stackhouse series. Now...how long will I have to wait for book 11 to come out?

Cannonball Read #31: Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris

Sookie Stackhouse is back, and boy, do her troubles keep increasing. Now that the weres have come out into the open, things in Bon Temps get more and more bizarre. Her friend Arlene's attachment to the Temple of the Sun reaches its boiling point, and some recently discovered relations of Sookie's are making her life about as complicated as she can stand. Luckily, there's always Eric the Vampire, whose feelings for her are as intense but confusing as her own for him. Danger is on the way--and there is going to be some death in this one.

The plots of these things are just getting more and more ridiculous, but I don't care. I am hooked on them. I love Sookie. I love Eric. I love the varied and entertaining cast of bit players who flesh out the town of Bon Temps and surrounding areas. On the whole, not nearly as good as #4, but one of the more entertaining books in the series, as far as I'm concerned.