Thoughts on the 2011 Steampunk Three Musketeers

(Cross-posted from FB. I miss movie reviews. So here I am.)

Watching the 2011 steampunk Three Musketeers.

1. I like so many of the people in this cast. This should be better.

2. Remember back when Orlando Bloom was a thing? Weird, right? He’s kind of...fun as a villain, though. I think he might be one of those “character actor in a lead’s body” types. Also, he should never do anything but costume dramas, because the look suits him.

3. No matter the adaptation, Porthos is always the best Musketeer. I am not willing to debate this.

4. Is D’Atagnan SUPPOSED to be a complete void of charisma? Because that’s almost as universal as the Porthos thing. Is it because he is a literal child? Also, who was responsible for choosing that hairstyle for him? I demand a personal apology.

5. I wish Milla Jovovich’s husband would make better movies for her to be in.

6. It’s like they watched Guy Richie’s ‘Sherlock Holmes’ and said “Let’s do that!” but somehow got it just slightly wrong. Like they were trying for the same cheeky, winking, gritty tone, but it’s too well-lit and the sentiment is just shy of Hallmark level.

7. Fights are good, though.

8. So are the costumes.

9. This cast is WAY prettier than the 1993 version. Sorry Kiefer (and Kiefer’s mullet).

10. I like that the women have more to do in this one than just look scared. (Or, in Rebecca De Mornay’s case, vaguely constipated.)

11. I did not sign up to watch “Villains Special Effect Spectacular” here. Why are the Musketeers barely in this film?!

12. Speaking of, Christophe Waltz is doing his best, but when it comes to creepily smiling sex predator cardinal, no one will ever be able to take the crown from Tim Curry.

13. This film had many flaws, but James Corden is the absolute worst thing about it. By comparison, the war blimp impaling itself on the spire of Notre Dame is downright charming. I wish they’d impaled James Corden instead. Preferably right at the beginning of the movie.

CBR5 #8: It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

Craig Gilner is fifteen, and he wants to kill himself.

He feels like he's under pressure from every direction, and no one--not his parents, not his teachers at his pre-professional high school, not his best friend to whom everything comes easily, not the girl he has a crush on--seems to understand. The "tentacles" of responsibility and social obligation are tangling through his life and he gets to the point where he can't even manage to sleep or keep food down. Finally, when it all gets to be too much, Craig checks himself into the psych ward to try and get some help.

I actually saw the movie version of this first, and enjoyed it quite a bit. While the film focuses entirely on Craig's time in the mental hospital, the book adds in a lot of the time leading up to that. It definitely shows just how Craig ended losing it, but it also expands the role of his family and friends. The first half of the book was basically a lead-up to the second half, which is the time he actually spends in the hospital.

On the whole, I liked this a lot -- the main character's voice is really likeable and seemed authentic to me. I also enjoyed the secondary characters, though I felt like some of them could have been a little more three-dimensional, particularly Noelle, the love interest. She occasionally came out with some interesting dialogue, but I didn't feel like I got a good sense of her as a person. It's a good YA book with some interesting turns -- but I actually prefer the movie. The character played in the film by Zach Galifianakis, Bobby, is much less important in the book, and I missed him. Craig needed a foil, which the book doesn't necessarily provide.

CBR5 #3: Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts

I wanted to like this book. I really did. In my attempts to read things that are not all dripping gore and supernatural monsters, I picked out a nice little selection from Oprah's book club. I figured that the story sounded slightly intriguing, and the reviews seemed pretty good.

By the time I got half-way through, I was praying that a zombie horde would crash through town, eating nearly all the characters and laying waste to the country-side.

Novalee Nation is seventeen years old and seven months pregnant when the novel opens, traveling west with her boyfriend Willy-Jack. They stop at a Wal-Mart in a small town in Oklahoma, and while Novalee is in the bathroom, Willy-Jack drives away. So what does Novalee decide to do? The only thing she can do--move into the Wal-Mart! She meets some quirky, lovable small-town residents who eventually become her friends. The book covers several years of her life, and all the wonderful, valuable lessons she learns about friendship and love and strength and independence. A few serious and/or sad things happen, but mostly they flash by quickly and are basically forgotten shortly after they're revealed. Then the book has the audacity not to tie everything together in a neat bow at the end. Really, you're going to lead me prancing through every cliche in the chick-lit genre, and then not bother to at least satisfy me with the traditional happy-ever-after cliche? That just seems mean and unnecessary.

Novalee has a voice very similar to that of Sookie Stackhouse, though Sookie (while not especially bright) seems like a Fulbright scholar compared to Novalee. I get the whole "simple southern girl" thing, but there are several occasions when Novalee is just plain stupid. Poor and southern does not equal stupid, dammit. I did like a few of the supporting characters, though most of them were basically animated caricatures. Friend who is always dieting, and always getting knocked up and then abandoned! Noble elderly black man who points Novalee on the path to her future! Feisty grandma figure! I actually would have liked to a see a lot more of those characters, and find out what made them tick, instead of focusing on how they served Novalee's life. But no! And periodically,without warning, we drop in on Willy-Jack (a character I could happily have left in chapter one, never to be seen again) just to see how life is gut-punching him as a karmic punishment for the way he treated Novalee.

I hope Wal-Mart paid the author a nice chunk of change for all the favorable product placement. The Wal-Mart in my home town would not be nearly as friendly as this fictional one (also, it'd be hard to live in because where I'm from, Wal-Mart doesn't close at night.)

And the damn woman names her daughter Americus. Americus Nation. I almost through the book across the bus at that point, but I didn't because those other bus passengers didn't deserve to be punished for a fictional character's poor decisions.

Once again, I wish I could like this. It's not an offensive book. It's just good-heartedly dumb. I'll probably watch the movie if I see it available on Netflix Streaming or OnDemand because I am a glutton for punishment.

CBR4 #47: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith

I'm not sure why it surprised me to find out that the guy who is responsible for Pride & Prejudice & Zombies is a graduate of my alma mater. To be honest, it actually makes perfect sense--that kind of weirdness is one of Emerson's keystones. In Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the author once again turns preconcieved notions on their ears.

This story is about a side of our sixteenth president that is rarely spoken of: his lifelong quest to hunt and destroy vampires. Beginning as a child when a vampire killed his beloved mother, young Abraham trains for what he sees as his life's purpose: to be a hunter of the undead. He joins up with a moral vampire, who helps him reach his potential and seek out the most ruthless bloodsuckers to slay. He also begins his political career, starting his rise toward the highest office in the land.

In AL:VH, Grahame-Smith takes on a more difficult task. Instead of inserting new things into a pre-existing work, he's written something entirely new. However, it's clear that he's also done some extensive research into the life of Abraham Lincoln. Excluding the vampirey bits, the context surrounding the story is all correct, as far as I know.

It's an interesting lens through which to view a man who was in real life a hero. The story is well-written, and the character of Lincoln is extremely empathetic.

I haven't had a chance to see the movie of this yet, though I suspect I'll probably be disappointed. (I much prefer seeing a movie first, and then discovering the book--it tends to improve on a good experience, rather than make an initially good experience a let-down.)

Last but not least, if what I've read of him and his sense of humor is true, I think Abraham Lincoln probably would have found this book just as entertaining as I did.

CBR4 #46: The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving

There are some books that I read and by the time I'm finished with the final page, the tale is already slipping out of my head. I intellectually know I read it, and if prompted I could probably give a reasonable summary of the action, but that's about as far as it goes. Then there are other books that stick with me. Books that I find myself thinking about days, weeks, months, or even years later. Books whose characters become like old friends, about whom I find myself thinking at the oddest times.

The Hotel New Hampshire falls into the latter category.

It's the story of the Berry family, a group of odd ducks led by patriarch Win. Win is a dreamer, who leads his family on an epic journey from rural New Hampshire, to Vienna, to New York City, and back again. The family consists of Win, his wife, his father Iowa Bob (football coach and weight-lifting enthusiast), eldest son Frank (lover of uniforms), spitfire Franny, narrator John (who is in love with his sister), gentle soul Lily, oddball Egg, and flatulent dog Sorrow. They have experiences both comic and tragic, meet a cast of bizarre, fantastical characters, and grow together as a family.

This is the kind of story that makes me wish it were a million pages long so I could know everything that ever happened to the Berrys. Even after I finished it, I found myself thinking of them, imagining the things that occurred outside the edges of the novel. The writing was wonderful, and I loved Irving's turn of phrase. John's narrative voice is distinct and likable, even if some of the things he does are disturbing at best.

I managed to find a copy of the 1984 film starring Rob Lowe as John and Jodie Foster as Franny. While it was fairly faithful to the source material, the tone seemed wrong, somehow. It seemed like the director couldn't decide if it was a broad comedy or a drama or a fairy tale or a mix of genres. I think it would be a great project for Wes Anderson to take on, actually. The Berrys are like a New England version of the Tenenbaums, and Anderson is a master of mixing tones and genres. While it's maybe a little different than his usual work, I think he could really pull it off. Besides, it'd be nice for him to stretch himself a bit--his latest, Moonrise Kingdom, was disappointing to me in that it felt extremely repetitive and altogether too reminiscent of his earlier works.

On the whole, I'd highly recommend this, though I suspect it may not appeal to everyone--it requires a certain whimsical world view, and an acceptance of some of the wilder aspects of the story.

CBR4 #42: Dreamcatcher by Stephen King

Oh, Stephen King. I love your work so much, but there are times when I wonder if you're worth it.

Dreamcatcher is not an utterly terrible book. It is not nearly as painfully dull as The Tommyknockers, but it is not good either. While it has its moments, there is also a lot of unnecessarily gross gore, and the plot is...not good.

The book is the story of four friends--Henry, Pete, Jonesy, and Beaver--who come together once a year at a remote hunting cabin to spend time together and celebrate their childhood friendship. Although they've grown apart, they are also bonded by more than just the times they spent together as kids--they have a fifth friend, Duddits, who is very, very special. Although Duddits appears to be just a man with Down's syndrome, he is actually a LOT more. While the group are spending time out in the woods, a man wanders into their camp, displaying some very odd symptoms. Pretty soon, the four find themselves involved in a situation that could have effects the world over...a situation that their friendship with Duddits may somehow have prepared them for.

Sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it? Well, start throwing in alien fuzz, and ass weasels, and an entity called Mr. Grey, and things start going off the rails. Then add a batshit crazy army colonel bent on hiding the truth at any cost. It starts to spiral out of control pretty quickly.

The characters are pretty likable, which is what saves the book from being irredeemable. Jonesy's lonely battle against Mr. Grey is one of the strongest parts of the tale, and I also enjoyed the brief glimpses of their childhood times together. Each of the friends is well-defined, and I had no trouble identifying with them or rooting for them. Some of the secondary characters are less effective, though I liked what little we saw of Duddits's mother.

The movie is not great either, though the performances are about as good as possible. Thomas Jane, Jason Lee, Timothy Olyphant (Olyphantastic!), and Damien Lewis star as the four friends, and Lewis's creepy turn as Jonesy is pretty cool. Morgan Freeman and his eyebrows chew every available piece of scenery as he romps and stomps in the role of the crazy colonel, while Tom Sizemore plays it cool as the colonel's assistant. There's also an interesting performance from Donnie Wahlberg (or as I like to call him "The-more-talented-but-not-as-attractive-Wahlberg") as adult Duddits. However, ass weasels are something that never needed to make it to film, and the plot is a bit too jumbled to really translate well. Much like the book, the movie is not exactly terrible, but I wouldn't necessarily call it good either.

CBR4 #35: Catch Up 2: Electric Boogaloo

In my ongoing attempts to catch up with my blogging for the Cannonball Read, here are five more mini-reviews on books I have read (I was going to add "recently" to this sentence, then realized that I read some of these in July, which is no longer considered "recent". Oops).

1. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris: These books just keep getting stupider and more outlandish, but I still keep right on gobbling them up. They are the literary equivalent of Velveeta, but I just can't quit them. In this entry (allegedly the next-to-last in the Sookie series), there is a mystery, and some complications, and some stupid vampire politics, and stupid faerie politics, and Sookie Gets In Trouble Yet Again! Her relationship with Eric is down the tubes (boo, I really liked Eric) and there are just waaaay too many characters. I'm kind of glad this series is ending, because I think the author's been tired of it since somewhere around book eight. I'll read the final one when it comes out, but I'll breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. (The show became so unbearably stupid last year that not even Alexander Skaarsgard could tempt me to watch it anymore. And that is saying a lot about the level of stupidity, because he is VERY PRETTY.)

2. The Dead Path by Stephen Irwin: Nick Close sees dead people. Unfortunately, he only sees them repeat their final, fatal moments...over and over and over again. Even worse, one of these tragic souls is his beloved wife. Needing to get away from the scene of her death, he goes to visit his parents in his home town, only to find that his problem has followed him. And his hometown can be a dangerous place, particularly for children. Now Nick must use his dubious talent to find a way to stop the evil that lurks in the shadowy woods. This book wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything particularly thrilling, either. Nothing about it was especially memorable, and it didn't exactly keep me awake at night with terror.

3. Wisconsin Death Trip by Michael Lesy: This is like a coffee table book of death and insanity. Author Michael Lesy has combined creepy photos from the late 19th century, taken by a little-known Black Falls, WI photographer with snippets from newspapers and medical records from the time--all from the same desolate area of Wisconsin. It reads like a litany of misery, death, disease, mental disintegration, and generalized anguish. I watched the documentary film narrated by Sir Ian Holm, which was pretty interesting, though creepy. However, the book is almost too much, and too morbid. I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone unless they were very interested in that area and time period. Plus, the author's introduction and end-note are about as artsy-fartsy and pretentious as you can get without wearing a beret.

4. Pariah by Bob Fingerman: Zombies. This time, the main characters are the residents of an Upper East Side apartment building. They survived the initial apocalypse, only to find themselves beginning to starve. Luckily, a teenage girl comes walking through the throngs of zombies, able to move among them without being bothered. She's their savior, but who--or what--is she? Where does she get her ability to move unnoticed amongst the undead? The apartment building's survivors are both grateful and suspicious. And a few of them are not very nice people. In fact, they're just as dangerous as the drooling hordes outside. This isn't a great zombie book, but it's not the worst I've read. There are flashes of ironic humor, and most of the characters are sympathetic. I didn't think the main mystery of the plot was adequately explained, but it wasn't all that bad.

5. The Pariah by Graham Masterton: This is another story about a widower who sees his wife's ghost. However, John Trenton isn't the only one who sees his wife Jane. And Jane's ghost is not content with quietly haunting--Jane is angry. So are the other ghosts in the coastal town of Granitehead. As John comes to find out, something happened in Granitehead long ago that the town's forefathers kept a dark secret. The problem is, that dark secret is starting to get out. Not a bad book, though I found it a bit draggy through the middle.

And there you have it -- five books for the price of a single Cannonball Read entry! I have been reading a lot of horror stories this year (can't seem to get enough of them) and it's a genre that has a LOT of variation in quality. I'll be getting to some better examples later on. For now, this is what you're getting. ;) Enjoy!

CBR4 #27: Game Change by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin

I know, people. I know. At this point I am so far behind I can never possibly catch up. But doesn't mean I shouldn't put forth SOME effort while I have the chance. Let's just pretend that I don't have 35+ books sitting un-reviewed and focus on one book at a time.

I hadn't wanted to read Game Change for a while. I mostly find political rhetoric exhausting and infuriating. I'm not especially good at political conversations, since I'm not very good at pulling out well-sourced facts in the face of (what I consider to be) woeful misinformation. I usually end up sputtering "Well I read somewhere that that's not true!" and then eventually getting so angry and frustrated that I have to give up. My brain contains a LOT of information (you should see me play Jeopardy) but knowing exactly where it came from isn't a strong point. And if you're going to be discussing things of this level of importance, you should be able to source your facts. The other problem is that I--like most people, probably--don't necessarily fall neatly into a single category. Mostly I'm a pretty liberal Democrat, but there are a few issues where my conservative Republican upbringing rears its head. What I'm saying basically is that when it comes to politics I am often confused and conflicted.

The interesting thing about Game Change is that it seems the politicians involved can be just as confused and conflicted.

The book tells the story of the 2008 presidential primaries and election from an insider's perspective. It's mostly the story of the struggle between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton for the Democratic nomination, and details both the campaign itself and also how both candidates made the decision to run. This is a warts-and-all portrayal, though Obama does come off slightly better than anyone else depicted. His flaws are portrayed as being occasional arrogance, consistent cockiness, quite a bit of naivete. Hilary is shown as a bit more cynical, coming at things from the perspective of a long-time Washington insider and part of the "Clinton Dynasty". Both have to try and decide their reasons for running, how they want to proceed with their campaigns, what strategies to employ, how far to go, and how their fight will effect the party as a whole.

The second part of book continues to follow Obama's presidential campaign, and also brings in McCain's. The choice of running mates, the decisions on which strategies to pursue, and the election itself are all closely followed. The book ends by showing President Obama convincing Hilary Clinton to come aboard as Secretary of State.

On the whole, this book is intellectually interesting as far as the structure and nature of politics goes. The idea that there are so many people involved in an undertaking of this type (and that so many of them hate each other and are embroiled in constant power struggles) is mind-boggling. The choices that have to be made can have unforeseen effects, and every word must be carefully checked (the problems on this front with both Joe Biden and Bill Clinton are obvious.)

I have to admit, though, that my favorite part was the more gossipy end of the spectrum. What was the deal with John Edwards and his loony mistress? How do the Clintons get along and was Bill really subconsciously sabotaging Hilary's campaign? Why did McCain choose Sarah Palin as his running mate? The insider's view of the personalities involved was what really kept me reading the book. I found myself feeling more admiration for Hilary Clinton and more sympathy for Sarah Palin than I'd expected. It's politics on a grand scale, but when it comes right down to it, it's all personalities.

I'd recommend this to anyone who is interested in the guts of a national political campaign, or in any of the people involved in this one. It's not a particularly flattering account of anyone involved (Obama comes out slightly better than the rest, but he takes his lumps, too) but it has a feeling of honesty.

CBR4 #26: War by Sebastian Junger

I've been putting this book off for a while, but decided to finally read it in honor of Memorial Day. It was worth it, and the only reason I give it four stars instead of five is that I have no desire to read it ever again.

There is quite a bit of military in my blood, though I'm a generation removed from it. All three of my grandfathers served in the military--two in the Navy and one in the Army. One of my uncles served briefly, and at least one of my great-grandfathers served in WWI. I have a few friends who either have served or are currently serving in various branches of the armed forces. This book makes me realize that no matter how much I may want to understand their experiences, nothing I can read will ever make that truly possible.

Sebastian Junger spent fifteen months on and off embedded with troops in Afghanistan's Korengal valley, easily the most dangerous and fatal area in all of Afghanistan for American soldiers. He goes on patrols with them, spends time with them during the interminable hours between firefights, gets shot at with them, and even gets hit by an IED with them. The book is basically documenting the experiences he witnesses while he is observing, and the way that his perceptions of the soldiers change. He also uses research to discuss the way the soldiers (both those he is embedded with and those throughout history) cope with the things they've done and seen.

Junger spends a lot of time talking about the difficulty for these men of transitioning back into civilian society after spending more than a year isolated in the wilds of Afghanistan. His position is that the problem is less about the violence, stress, and trauma they encountered and more about the lack thereof on their returns. These men spent months bonding with one another, and functioning amid a level of never-ending lethal tension. At any moment--while they sleep, eat, piss, or simply sit around--they could die. Every single moment of the day could be their last, and they spend all available mental and physical energy dealing with that fact. Every action has to be considered as to whether it will beneficial or detrimental to the group. They begin to act almost like ants or bees--every individual gives himself over to the group, and behaves accordingly. And the group in turn protects each member. The men know that no matter what happens, their brothers-in-arms would each give his life to save the others. Everything beyond that fact is more or less unimportant. This behavior is what keeps them alive on the battlefield, but becomes problematic in a civilian setting. The men aren't used to having to deal with subtleties. They can become frustrated by the minutia of daily life--car payments, arguments with wives or girlfriends, the small decisions that those of us on the outside take for granted. After spending a year on constant high-alert, watching friends die or be injured, living in a place where not only the population but the land itself is hostile, it's difficult to muster up an interest in working an office job or mowing the lawn. Not to mention that they've gone from being in a place where every man has his back--whether they like one another or not--to having to survive entirely on their own. Reading this made me surprised not that there are so many soldiers who have trouble returning from duty, but rather that so many manage so well.

It's a great book, and not really political in any way. Aside from a very brief mention at the end, the President is not mentioned at all. The military leadership are not mentioned often, and when they are, it's usually questions from the author, not from the soldiers. Frankly, most of them have little interest in the broader politics of the campaign, and are only focused on doing the job they've been assigned. The author's questions about why they are in Korengal in the first place are mostly met with shrugs. The only question the soldiers seem to have is not why they are at war in Afghanistan but why they are NOT at war with Pakistan (a prescient question at the time, considering what we now know about Pakistan's role in harboring Osama Bin Laden). For the most part though, they are merely interested in keeping their fellow soldiers alive.

I found this book pretty emotional--several of the soldiers featured do die--but not graphic. The language is a bit salty, but that's to be expected. On the whole, I thought it was a well-written, well-researched story of a world I can never truly understand.

And to all members of the military--past, future, and present--thank you for your service to our country. Maybe we don't say it as much as we should, but your courage and sacrifices are appreciated.

CBR4 #3: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

I did not want to read this book. I heard all the hype, and saw about a zillion people reading it on the train, but I resisted. I thought it was going to be badly written crap like the Twilight series (and I don't want to hear it about the Twilight series...I did try to read them, but after ten pages in the first book, I felt myself developing a brain aneurysm from the terrible, terrible writing and had to stop.) You know, lame YA series for girls coated in unbelievable fantasy tropes and damsel-in-distress behavior. However, several ladies I trust seemed to enjoy it, as well as The Boyfriend, so when someone offered to loan me the first book I decided I might as well give it a chance.

I'm so glad I did. Each year, two teenagers from each of the twelve "districts" must compete in "The Hunger Games," a bloody battle to the death that is mandatory viewing for everyone in the nation. This particular year, Katniss Everdeen ends up as one of the twenty-four competitors, representing District 12, the poorest and weakest district. Along with Katniss is the baker's son, Peeta Mellark. I hate to give away more plot, but it's a bit like Battle Royale meets Stephen King's "The Long Walk".

The character of Katniss is great, and has a very distinctive voice. (Oddly, the character reminds me very much of Ree Dolly, the main character in Winter's Bone--a hard girl, mature beyond her years, scratching out a living in Appalachian country, trying to take care of the family herself because her father is gone and her mother is useless. The funny thing is, Jennifer Lawrence, who played Ree in the film version of Winter's Bone will be playing Katniss in The Hunger Games movie.) Katniss is torn between her feelings of self-preservation, her desire to rebel against "The Capitol," and curious new emotions with regard to Peeta. Katniss soon realizes that nothing is what she first thought, and that The Hunger Games are dangerous in ways she never could have imagined.

I loved this book--I really enjoy stories of survival, and having a tough, interesting heroine is definitely a plus. The secondary characters were for the most part well-drawn, though obviously many of the lesser Games competitors were merely caricatures. On the whole, I'd recommend this to anyone who enjoyed any of the books/films mentioned above, or for anyone who likes fiction with a strong female lead.

CR3 #92: Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters by John Waters

The works of John Waters are not for everyone. Most people can figure out whether they are fans or not after a mere ten minutes of one of his films. I find his gleeful devotion to raunch, camp, and blatant bad taste hilarious, but even I find it a bit overwhelming at times. I think the thing I most enjoy about John Waters is the sense that underneath the determinedly trashy exterior, he's actually a very sweet person. He can say things that--coming from anyone else--would probably be horrifying.

This book is a collection of essays he wrote over the years for various publications, and this particular edition has some extras that he wrote later on. He discusses his love for the National Enquirer, Baltimore public television, Christmas, and things that hates. My favorite essays were "Going to Jail", "John Waters's Tour of LA," and one he wrote about bringing "Hairspray!" to Broadway. "Going to Jail" is about time he spent teaching classes in prison. It's very funny, because Waters and the prisoners are equally bewildered and starstruck by one another (as a crime aficionado, Waters recognizes some of his students and is fascinated by their crimes). He teaches them a little about film theory, as well as scripting and improv, coming away feeling as though he's contributed at least a tiny bit to society. Plus, he finds the whole experience of going to the prison and dealing with the prisoners all great fun. In "John Waters's Tour of LA," he gives a detailed explanation of the best tourist sights in town (hint: most normal people would NOT be interested, as a lot of them are morbid/creepy/bizarre).

On the whole, I really enjoyed this book. It was hilarious, but also occasionally poignant. Waters's voice comes through very clearly, and it's easy to picture him sitting in an ostentatious chair, smoking a cigarette and reading it all to you. Definitely good for those who enjoy his films. (For those who don't, I'd probably skip it.)

CR3 #91: Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day by Winifred Watson

This book happens to be one of those very, very rare cases in which the movie is actually better.

The basic story is that Miss Pettigrew--a middle-aged spinster--receives a new post as a governess in 1930s London. When she arrives, however, she finds no children. Instead, she meets beautiful young nightclub singer Delysia LaFosse. Delysia is trying to juggle three men and a burgeoning social calendar, and things are beginning to get too difficult. Decisions have to be made, and Delysia isn't sure she's up for it. Luckily, Miss Pettigrew finds that she can be of help.

The book is quite clearly a fantasy, something of a Cinderella story. Miss Pettigrew makes new friends, gets a makeover, and finds a happy ending. Nothing too difficult happens, and nearly everyone goes away better off. It's an adorable story, but frankly a bit light.

The movie, on the other hand, is stellar. Frances McDormand stars as Miss Pettigrew, and Amy Adams plays Delysia. They're supported by an excellent cast of gentleman (particularly Lee Pace as the brooding piano player Michael and Ciaran Hinds as lingerie designer Joe Blomfield) and Shirley Henderson as the poisonous Edythe DuBarry. The movie has more conflict--Miss Pettigrew has more to lose, and is forced to make tougher choices. Miss Pettigrew in the book tends to drift along in everyone elses's wake, whereas McDormand shows the steel that lies beneath Miss P's frumpy exterior. Adams's Delysia is a bit more scatterbrained than the one in the book--she's not as strong a female character in the film, and requires more rescuing--but she is still charming and lovable. Both Adams and McDormand are able to communicate volumes with a small look or tiny raise of the eyebrow.The fact that the film is set against the run-up to WWI also helps to put the characters in a more precarious position. The plot contains more conflict, but it all resolves rather well.  In addition, the costumes, sets, and music are all gorgeous. They set the mood very strongly, as well as making the movie a pleasure to see. As usual, Focus Features has done an excellent job bringing a period piece to a modern audience.

On the whole, although I enjoyed the book, I'd recommend skipping it and going straight to the film.

CR3 #61: Carrie by Stephen King (King REreview #3)

(Sorry people -- I've been reading just as much lately, but work has been sort of horrifying, and when combined with this ridiculous heat wave, it doesn't do a whole lot for my motivation to accomplish...anything at all, really [well, except maybe eat popsicles and drink mojitos, but neither of those things exactly counts as productivity]. I have a couple reviews to write, but I'm hoping they'll get done in the next couple days.)

Carrie is the first Stephen King book I ever read. As I share a name with the protagonist, I figured I might as well read the damn thing so I would at least get the allusions people made to the novel. Therefore, at 13, I walked into the local library and hunted down the Stephen King section, which at the time was entirely made up of paper backs crammed into one tall rotating rack. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

The story concerns Carrie White, a teenager living in Maine. She is neither attractive nor particularly bright, and due to her upbringing by a religious fanatic mother, her social skills are also nothing special. She has spent most of her life as the butt of every joke, tortured by her classmates and ignored by almost everyone else. The one thing Carrie has going for her--as she discovers one day during gym class--is a latent talent for telekinesis. Several stories--including that of Carrie, her classmate Sue, antagonist Chris, and the rest of the town--are entwined, coming together in a final explosive confrontation.

The story is probably familiar, as it's become a part of popular culture due to the film version with Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie. However, the book is definitely worth reading. It's set up as an epistolary novel, combining news clippings, "witness testimony," and "scientific papers" as well as sections from the characters' points of view. In style, it has a lot in common with Dracula, which King has often mentioned as a strong influence on his writing. The characters are compelling, and you definitely find yourself sympathizing with Carrie, even if you do what is going to happen in the end.

I highly recommend this--it's a quick read, free from King's usual ramblings and tangents (which, though I do enjoy them, can lead to bloat in some of his works). It's a good introduction to his style without the thousand page commitment.

CR3 #52: The Seven-Per-Cent Solution by Nicholas Meyer

A few weeks ago, I was sitting around with nothing to do, unable to watch TV because The Boyfriend was thoroughly engaged in some sporting event. I found myself in front of the computer, poking around through the Netflix OnDemand list. Suddenly, I remembered the Pajibans recent flurries of praise for the BBC's Sherlock and figured I might as well give it a try.

Ten minutes in, I was completely hooked and already bemoaning the fact that only four episodes had been made. I mentioned this in a previous entry, but bring it up again because it led me back to the original source material. I already own the collected works, but upon further investigation, I discovered that (unsurprisingly, really) some other authors have created their own Holmes tales. I happened to purchase The Seven-Per-Cent Solution simply because it seemed to be the top-rated of the group.

In this story (purported to be a lost work of Dr. Watson, dictated years after the death of Holmes), Dr. Watson tells the story of what REALLY happened during the period that Sherlock Holmes was thought to be dead (spanning Doyle's stories "The Final Problem" and the one about the airguns, the title of which I can never remember). Watson tells us that the truth is that Holmes had fallen victim to his cocaine addiction, and required serious treatment. The doctor manages (with the help of Mycroft Holmes and a twisty plan) to get Sherlock to Vienna, where he places him in the treatment of Sigmund Freud. From there, a mystery begins to unfold.

I enjoyed the story very much, and felt that the characters were fairly true to the original works. Meyer did a good job with his "alternate history," and I also enjoy the footnote "corrections" and additions the author made on Dr. Watson's "original manuscript." The plot itself was perhaps a little thin when it came to the mystery, but as I said, the characters were enjoyable, there were some very exciting parts--a wild chase on a train, for example--and the little in-jokes to readers familiar with the previous works were enjoyable. I would definitely recommend this for any fan of Sherlock Holmes.

Huzzah! I have completed the Cannonball Read! Fifty-two books read and blogged! I AM A GOLDEN GOD!

...Okay, well maybe not. But I AM very pleased with myself. Now I have to decide whether stop here, or to continue on and attempt the death-defying double Cannonball. I'm not sure I could actually do fifty-two more before the end of the year, but I don't see why I shouldn't try. Might be interesting to see how far I get, at least.

CR3 #45: Pronto by Elmore Leonard

Elmore Leonard's work (so far as I can tell) is populated by a rich and eccentric group of characters. Each one has a distinct personality, and each seems to act for reasons that make sense with his personality--I never got the feeling a character was doing something just to suit the author's plan.

The main character of Pronto is Harry Arno. He's an aging bookie who has been forced into retirement earlier than planned by local crime lord Jimmy Cap. In fact, he hasn't just been forced into retirement, he's been chased right out of Miami. Harry's insistence that he's been set up by the local feds in order to get him to testify against Jimmy falls on deaf ears, and soon men with shotguns are turning up outside Harry's apartment. The US Marshall service sends Marshall Raylan Givens (yay!) to keep an eye on Harry, but Harry is just a little too slippery for his own good. Soon, Raylan is chasing Harry through Italy, with Jimmy Cap's men close on his tail.

It's a good story with solid characters. I was--as always--happy to see Raylan Givens, though his character in the book is a little less charming than Timothy Olyphant plays him on Justified (the beginning of the show actually picks up right where this book ends). The side characters were also entertaining, and I was invested in what happened to them (even though Harry is not particularly likable, the people around him were). Even the bad guys were written to be interesting and at times sympathetic. The plot moved along briskly, and I never found myself feeling either bored or rushed. The way the story ended left some openings, but was not unsatisfying. On the whole, I'd recommend this to anyone who likes a well-written crime caper.

CR3 #41: When the Women Come Out to Dance by Elmore Leonard

If it weren't for Timothy Olyphant, I never would have picked up this book.

Let me clarify: I started watching Justified on FX because Timothy Olyphant is basically sex on a stick. It turned out the show is actually pretty awesome, and not JUST because of Olyphantastic, there. It's a well-written show with some truly fascinating characters, set in an unfamiliar but richly detailed world.

I noticed recently while watching a note saying the show was "Based on the short story 'Fire in the Hole' by Elmore Leonard." I figured that since I enjoy the show so much, I should give the source material a chance.

Lucky me!

This collection of short stories by Elmore Leonard is exactly what a short collection should be: each piece is a small, detailed, stand-alone world. The characters, though briefly sketched, definitely come alive. We find the first run-in between Marshall Raylan Givens and his childhood friend and current target Boyd Crowder (basically the pilot episode of Justified, with a slightly different ending). There's a run-in between Karen Sisco (played on the big screen by Jennifer Lopez in Out of Sight) and a new boyfriend. There are other stories, nearly all of which could easily be expanded into films or TV shows. Leonard's writing is interesting, funny, and to the point. Most of the stories are set in the west, either in the past or modern times.

I often have trouble with short stories, because they either are too short and I find them unfulfilling, or they are trying too hard to be "artistic" and miss out on being GOOD STORIES. Leonard has avoided both of those pitfalls--although I would have been happy to follow almost all of these characters beyond their stories, each story was put together in such a way that I didn't feel I was being shortchanged when the end came.

I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys well-written short stories, or to anyone who likes old-school stories of the American west.

CR3 #34: Coraline by Neil Gaiman

Coraline, like The Deathly Hallows, is a children's book that is actually slightly inappropriate for children. Although the language is simple and clear, the plot itself is a bit disturbing, and would probably have given me some nightmares as a child.

Coraline is a young girl who moves with her parents to a new house. She spends her time exploring, meeting the eccentric people who share the house with them, and vaguely wishing that her parents had more time and energy to spend with her. Then one day she discovers a door to a parallel world, where her "Other parents" want nothing more to dote on her every moment. Unfortunately, there is something about their black button eyes that Coraline finds disturbing. Pretty soon, she is playing a dangerous game that--if lost--could leave her stuck in the parallel world forever.

The book is a simple, quick read, but I really enjoyed the character of Coraline--she is a smart, capable, and pragmatic child who never became too whiny or annoying. The plot moved along at a good pace, and I never felt like it was dragging. The characters--aside from Coraline--were a little two-dimensional, but I realize that since they are all described from her perspective perhaps they're meant to be a little flat.

On the whole, this is a cute little book, and would be great for middle-school goth girls.

CR3 # 33: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

Man, was that a ride.

It's tough to write this review without giving spoilers to the six people out there who have yet to read this but are planning to do so. However, I'll do my best.

This final book in the Harry Potter series is the most dramatic and the most bloody. It's basically about the final showdown between Harry and Voldemort, with all the other characters taking up arms on one side or the other. Rowling has done a great job of tying together a lot of small points from the previous books which make the revelations in this one feel genuine. None of that "And poof, he was a hamster the whole time!" bull. Nearly everything that happens has its origins in the other books of the series. Plus, the "Battle of Hogwarts" ranks right up there with the battle of Helm's Deep as far as fantasy battles go, IMO.

This book is also a LOT darker than I was expecting. There is a lot of death in this one, and it gets pretty emotional. Yes, I might have been that near-thirty-year-old you saw riding through Boston on the T during rush hour, bawling her eyes out. I didn't even realize how attached I was to these characters, but considering this book in itself is massive, and combined with the other six books I've been with them for THOUSANDS of pages, I guess it makes sense. Anyway, although this is technically a children's book, this is NOT for children. I think this is definitely PG-13.

The only thing I disliked (and I find I disliked it strongly) was the epilogue. It seemed to be slapping a neat bow on to the end of a book that had been dark, twisted, and wrenching. It almost felt like the ending of a fan-fiction--nineteen years in the future, the surviving characters gather with their numerous Children With Significant Names to talk about how wonderfully life turned out and how lucky they all are to be alive. Although I was interested in the lives the characters went on to lead, I found the last chapter frankly a little insulting. It was the only real low point to an otherwise gripping book.

Clearly I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who hasn't read the series. However, for anyone who might have gotten bored at book five and given up, I highly recommend you get books six and seven--they are totally worth it.

CR3 # 32: The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas

I have an embarrassing confession to make: I LOVE the Disney version of The Three Musketeers. I love it, even though fully 1/2 of the leads are potentially violent children of Hollywood with multiple arrests and a history of substance abuse. I love it even though the actor playing the main character has all the charm and personality of a mung bean. I love it even though there are endless sword fights and yet no one ever loses a single drop of blood, even after being run through. The whole thing is an adorable fairy tale. I always assumed that it is totally historically inaccurate, and figured that it probably deviated from the plot of the book somewhat, because that is how Disney does things. Little did I know...

The main characters--who are named D'Artagnan, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis--meet when D'Artagnan arrives in town and accidentally agrees to a duel with each of the other on the same day. There are international plots and a dark lady involved. The Cardinal Richelieu is very shady.

Here is where the similarities end.

The novel is a complex story full of intrigue, plotting, and murder. It is also a humorous tale of friendship, struggle, and doing almost anything for money. The characters are distinct, though sometimes leaning toward caricature. The plot for the most part moves along, though there are several sections that drag--it's a tough transition to go from murder plots and kidnappings into three chapters about how the musketeers scammed money to pay for more horses. However, the characters were entertaining enough to keep me reading until the main plot picked up again.

This book was more challenging--on a purely literary note--that most of what I've been reading for the past several years. Dumas's language and sentence structure is decidedly early 19th century, which meant there were passages I had to read more than once to understand--a true rarity for me. It was nice to be reading some "classic literature" though, and as far as that goes, the plot and characters were a lot more fun and relateable than, say, Melville or Hawthorne (IMHO).

I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to read something classic, but has a hard time with some of the more preachy or stately works. This is definitely a rollicking adventure story.

CR3 #31: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

I know, I know. I am waaaaay behind on this whole Harry Potter thing. Both my parents have managed to finish the entire series at least once (I'm pretty sure my Dad has read them all half a dozen times) and I am just now getting around to it. I am, like, five years behind the rest of civilization. I KNOW. Here's how it happened: in the summer of 2003, when I was living by myself, recovering from the departure of The Sacred Cow and The Prancing Prince, I was quite depressed and didn't leave my house for about two weeks. During that time, my sub-letter loaned me the first five Harry Potter books, which I read over the course of about 3 days. I love the first four, but the fifth? I kind of hated Order of the Phoenix. There was not enough Hogwarts and far too much of Harry's self-absorbed whinging. I thought about pre-ordering book 6, but then wasn't sure if I could take another 500 pages of "Booody-hoo, why must I be special? Woe is me, this is all so annoying for ME, the marvelous, talented, and oh-so righteous Harry Potter!" I decided I'd wait. And then...somehow...nearly 8 years passed. The other day, I was flipping through the channels and saw that Half-Blood Prince was available on OnDemand, and I had a sudden desire to watch it. However, I didn't want to be one of those people who just watches the movie, so I went ahead and ordered the book.

I am so glad I did! I remember now what I enjoyed so much about the first four books in the series. The plot continues without a lot of dragging, and it is interesting to get more of Voldemort's back story. Another great thing is that Ron and Hermione are back front and center, which is great, as they are my favorite characters. Harry is still self-absorbed, self-righteous, and whiny, but at least he has calmed down somewhat, and also has begun to recognize that behavior in himself. There are many side characters, and nearly all are intriguing, funny, or endearing. Rowling deftly weaves a story of good, evil, betrayal, and intrigue into typical high school hijinks like first girlfriends and sports rivalries. There are some surprising revelations, and from this point on, no character is safe. On the whole, it's a fun story and I'm glad I finally relented and decided to read it.

Of course, now I MUST get hold of book seven -- I went to a bookstore and tried to buy a copy, and they tried to charge me THIRTY-SEVEN DOLLARS for it! I guess I will have to wait for my used copy ($4) to arrive from Amazon before I can find out how the saga ends!