"I'm looking at a tin star with a drunk pinned on it." El Dorado (and also Dust Up)

Twice in one weekend -- I know, I'm surprised too. Yet here we are.

After my adventure with The Three Musketeers, I figured I'd try something else new. At some point, for a reason lost even to myself, I added a movie called Dust Up to my Amazon watchlist. I can't figure out why, since it was a small indie from 2013 without a single recognizable star in it, aside from the woman who played Tara on Buffy (whom I liked, but I'm not exactly following her career). The basic premise is that a one-eyed veteran, who has moved out to the high desert to escape his traumatic past, ends up crossing the path of a deranged meth dealer, and ends up having to fight off a hoard of methed up crazy people, with the help of a young mom (the aforementioned Tara), her dopey addict husband, and the vet's indigenous (?) friend. It was...weird. If I had to make comparisons, I'd say it reminded me quite a bit of From Dusk Til Dawn, what with the B movie cast, over-the-top violence, and tacky effects. There were quite a few very funny moments, and I liked the leads quite a bit. The Native friend was...troubling. I wasn't sure if he was supposed to actually be indigenous, or just one of those people who fakes it, but it did give me some moments of eeegh. I'm not sure I'd strongly recommend it, but if you're a person who enjoys bargain basement Tarantino, it's not a total waste of time.

The other movie I watched was El Dorado. And before you ask, no, not the cartoon. This is the 1967 film with John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, and James Caan. It's one of those classic sixties westerns that involves groups of heavily armed men shooting at each other for convoluted reasons. As usual, I found it utterly delightful. Some thoughts I had:

1. The relationship between Wayne and Mitchum is...well, someone is probably writing slash about it somewhere, and for good reason. It's like the male version of "gals being pals." The two of them were trading some rather heated looks. Perhaps I just read too much slash fic, but the undertones there felt scorching to me. Maybe more so from Mitchum's side, but for a guy who is a legend for being a "man's man," John Wayne was delivering some smolder himself. I kept waiting for them to kiss. (Spoiler: they did not.) The whole bit about how Mitchum fell apart because some woman left him...um, we all know it's because John Wayne left. You're not fooling anybody here. I did not buy his relationship with the local madam for a second. Or maybe yes, but there were definitely some bi vibes happening. 

2. I'm pretty sure she was a madam. No one exactly said, but it was strongly implied. Particularly the bit where she suggests she could manage to be both Wayne and Mitchum's girl at the same time. Wayne looked intrigued. Mitchum looked concerned. (See point 1.)

4. Caan's character clearly does not understand the relationship going on here, either. Him and the old guy with the bugle seem determined to just stay out of the way and let the other two trade meaningful looks uninterrupted.

4. Holy hell, do I love the men of the Caan family. My deep lust for Scott is well-documented, but his father was no slouch when he was young, either. Just so tiny and feisty! I knew there was a reason my favorite Corleone was always Sonny. He doesn't disappoint in this, and he brings in the sexy, sexy comic relief.

5. I haven't watched nearly enough Robert Mitchum movies, but I need to add more to my list. The man can break your heart with just a single facial expression. There's a part where he comes back after being laughed out of a saloon that just about broke me. And then watching John Wayne try to soothe him through it...

6. Special effects in the 60s were very rudimentary. Don't think I didn't notice you throwing that dummy down during that horse trampling scene. It wasn't exactly "just fling the plastic skeleton and hope for the best in Army Of Darkness" level obvious, but it was not subtle.

7. Hey, Ed Asner! I almost always like Ed Asner.

8. There were only three women in this, and it most assuredly does NOT pass the Bechdel test. However, the sister with the shotgun is pretty badass. She is going to give James Caan and his bitty ass a run for his money.

9. There is a racist bit. It is "Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffanys" bad, but at least it's mercifully short. But ouch. Bad.

10. The poem: I always forget about Edgar Allan Poe, and it's always a mistake. Yeah, he was a massive drunken creep, but there's a reason his poems are still famous.

11. That was just a delight.

Movies Movies Movies!

It was kind of a big movie weekend, because after the party Friday night, I was sort of blah for the whole weekend. I watched a couple movies, and figured I'd talk about them here for my post of the day.

Kung Fu Panda: I'm a sucker for movies like this, but the darn thing really WAS hilarious. The Boyfriend and I laughed until the tears ran down our faces, then laughed more. The animation was amazing, and Jack Black was really perfect for the role of hapless panda Po. Sometimes Black can overshadow the character he's playing, but here he was just awesome. I was also happy to spot the ever-delicioso Ian McShane as the voice of the villain. (I kind of wish I could get Ian McShane's voice as hold music--I am on hold a lot, and I'd happily sit patiently if I could listen to him talk about whatever. He could read the phonebook and I'd be delighted.) The story of a fat panda becoming a mighty warrior worked well, and the humor was good for kids, but adults will have no problem enjoying it either. Two thumbs up.

This Filthy World: John Waters's one-man show was also hilarious. He talks a lot about the making of his movies, his opinions on the state of the world, and general observations on life. It's probably not for the right-wing crowd (discussions of gay life, drugs, and rampant, deliberate moral corruption would probably give those people immediate aneurysms) but I thought it was funny all the way through.

An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder: I have not seen the first Evening With Kevin Smith, though I have heard a lot of good things. I think he probably used his best material there, but this was still very funny if you're a fan. (If you're not a fan, you might as well just skip it.) This nearly two-hour show in Toronto gives Smith a chance to answer more audience questions and generally digress into various funny tangents. Although there were moments where it dragged a bit, or got a little uncomfortable, I mostly enjoyed it. His rambling explanation of watching Dora the Explorer made me laugh until I snorted. Jay Mewes also makes a cameo appearance, which made me squee. I wouldn't pay to watch it, but if it's free OnDemand or Netflix InstantWatch it's a good way to waste some time and have a few laughs.

Constantine: First of all, I have to point out that while The Boyfriend has a VIOLENT dislike of Keanu Reeves and all of his performances, I don't mind the guy. I think Keanu is very pretty, and while he isn't the best actor out there, it's not like he's casting himself in these movies, a la Kevin Costner. If he's miscast, it is NOT his fault. Also, the guy has had a kind of tough life (best friend ODs right in front of him, baby dies, fiance is killed shortly after in a car wreck) and I figure the fact that he mostly keeps to himself and behaves instead of being a giant Hollywood douchebag says a lot for him. That said, while this performance was not the best ever committed to film, and while there are probably several actors who could have done a better job, it was not awful. I liked the premise, and the climactic ending was pretty awesome. Peter Stormare is fantastic as the devil, and any time THE SWINTON appears I am always intrigued. Rachel Weisz was all right (though I am biased because I LOVED her in the Mummy movies) though when I saw Gavin Rossdale I was like "Really? There were no REAL actors available that day? Not a single lowly SAG member could be found to play the part?" On the whole, it's kind of a stupid movie, but no stupider than Max Payne, and at least Keanu Reeves doesn't come off as a tremendous asshole.

Smoke Signals: This is a movie about two young Native American men in the Pacific Northwest who go on a journey together when the father of one of them dies. It's a quiet little story. The acting isn't perfect, although the guy who plays Thomas Builds-the-Fire--the oddball of the pairing-- was excellent. Adam Beach, who played the more socially normal of the two, displayed considerably more range and talent than he did during his brief stint on SVU...which isn't a whole lot, to be honest. (At least he's pretty...) The story and dialogue are interesting, funny, and touching in places. It's the first film I've seen about modern day Native Americans, teenagers in particular. It's apparently based on a story by famed Native American author Sherman Alexie called "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven." Although it's not entertaining as much as thought provoking, and the indie-ness of the movie is more obvious than I'd prefer, I'd definitely recommend this one.

Also, the new show on USA--White Collar--is pretty good. I don't know who is running USA, but they seem to have figured out the perfect formula for light, fun, entertaining television. I mean, I love crime shows, but lately SVU seems to be gunning for some kind of "most miserable and depression show on television" award (along with giving Richard Belzer and Ice-T a criminally teensy amount of screen time), CSI is kind of a scattered mess, Bones is constantly being bumped for stupid baseball (it is ridiculous to me that ALL FOUR major sports are in season at the same time), and NCIS (which is a GOOD SHOW, PAJIBA OVERLORDS! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO DEFEND IT! Well, not the new one with LL Cool J--that one sucks sweaty monkey balls) can't do it all alone. In the same vein as Psych and Burn Notice, USA has managed to make White Collar a pleasant, serviceable, and entertaining hour of TV.

For anyone who was wondering, I ended up going with Miss Piggy for Halloween. Although I wasn't entirely sure when I put it on, the photos are fantastic, and judging from the reactions of others at the party, I think it was a very good choice. :)

Cannonball Read #6: A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints by Dito Montiel

I happened across the film based on this book (also written and directed by Dito Montiel) on OnDemand last month, and decided to stop and watch it because Robert Downey Jr. is so awesome and Channing Tatum is not especially talented, but very VERY pretty. I was fairly pleased with the movie, though it is nothing particularly new or innovative--it is the story of young Dito Montiel (played by a surprisingly talented Shia LaBouf) growing up in a tough neighborhood in New York, and also the story of adult Dito (RDJ) returning many years after fleeing the violence and dead-end fates that he and his friends were destined for if they stayed.

Since I enjoyed the film, I decided to track down the book, since it is supposedly a memoir. The book deals less with Dito's youth and more with his adult life: touring the country with his momentarily famous band, meeting people like Allen Ginsberg, a brief stint as a Calvin Klein model, and generally dealing with the trials of trying to become a functional adult.

The book is very reminiscent of On the Road, which makes sense, since it seems Montiel has been heavily influenced by the beats. There is no real story structure, just a sort of rambling collection of stories, anecdotes, photos, poems, and steam-of-consciousness rants woven together around the vague theme of "saints." Although there was no plot to speak of, I found the characters to be distinct, well-drawn, and interesting. And I also enjoyed the specificity and detail of Montiel's memories.

On the whole, while no work of literary genius, this is an easy and interesting read.

Dear God, Why?: Before The Devil Knows You're Dead

Tuesday was The Boyfriend's birthday, and he wanted to go to the movies. He'd been wanting to see Before the Devil Knows You're Dead since it came out, and as it was playing at the Somerville, he chose that for his birthday movie. Having read up on it, I KNEW that I wasn't going to like it, but it WAS his birthday...turned out that he hated it too. As did the other three people who came to the movies with us. I discovered the only thing worse than a relentlessly depressing movie in which none of the characters are likeable and all the decisions are bad is a relentlessly depressing movie that continually LOOPS BACK on itself, so you actually end up watching the SAME depressing scenes over and over again. Maybe I liked it less than I could have because I hate non-linear story-telling. Or, as I said, it could be because I felt about it the same way I did about Chicago, in that I found all the characters to be shitty people whom I didn't care about. OR it could be that it opened (and when I say "opened" I mean literally the very first scene in the film) with a graphic scene featuring a naked Phillip Seymour Hoffman banging Marissa Tomei doggy style. (Admittedly, everyone DID enjoy Marissa Tomei, who spent most of the movie wandering around topless and looking pouty.) Naked PSH is not something I ever felt a desire to see, and everything just spiraled downhill from there. Definitely not a good date movie, or a film to see with your parents. Not to mention that it's very long, and the first hour or so draaaaaaaaaaags on forever. Maybe I'm just not artsy enough, but the whole thing just sucked hardcore in my opinion. Everyone in the theater seemed to feel the same way--when it was over (the ending is rather abrupt) someone said aloud in the silence "Jesus Christ! Thank God THAT'S over!" and there was laughter and applause from the, like, 12 other people in there. Do yourself a favor--instead of seeing this movie, just take a meat fork and jam it into the side of your head.I told The Boyfriend that this definitely makes him even for the movie I picked out a while ago which turned out to have all the ass-raping in it.

Featuring Keanu Reeves, bloodied schoolgirls, and zombies!

So this weekend I watched three movies (and a bunch of random chunks of other things and the new Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and the new episode of Psych and some other stuff).

1. River's Edge: This was made in the eighties, back when Keanu Reeves was still rocking that totally sexy Ted hair. Basically, this high school guy kills his girlfriend, and his friends are all pretty apathetic except for Crispin Glover who thinks it's kind of a rad adventure and Keanu, who seems a bit uncomforable with it. It's not really a very good movie, since most of the characters are two dimensional at best, and John's reasons for strangling Jamie are never fully explained. Dennis Hopper plays a mentally unstable recluse pretty well (not much of a stretch, since I feel as though Dennis Hopper may in fact be a mentally unstable recluse.) I suppose it's some sort message about the state of youth in America, but I really wasn't at all impressed.................well, except with Keanu Reeves, who--while not a tremendous actor--was SEXY AS HELL.

2. Battle Royale: This is a Japanese flick, and it was my first real venture into their cinematic oeuvre, and it was sort of strange. I definitely can see the style that Quentin Tarantino "liberally borrowed" for his Kill Bill movies. This particular film takes place in the future--apparently the youth have gotten so out of control that every year they send a whole class of ninth graders to battle each other to the death (not that I really understand how that helps...) So basically it's a bit like 'Lord of the Flies,' except instead of trying to survive, the point is for all the kids to slaughter each other. It was gory and bloody and godawful, but there was something about it that kept me glued to the screen. While there was an ungodly amount of violence, there was also a certain amount of personal interplay going on between the characters. It was fascinating to watch the moral shifts, the emergence of completely unexpected character traits, and the way these things both merged and collided to form totally believe interplay. All the actors were quite good, and if you take into account that most of them were only about 14 or 15, they're unbelievable. If you can't handle graphic violence (I'm talking axe-to-the-head, tossing-severed-heads-around, brain-splattering, blood-geysering balls-to-the-wall graphic violence being perpetrated on/by children) this probably isn't for you. If you are one of those people who can't handle subtitles, this isn't for you. However, I really dug it and recommend it. It sort of makes you think.

3. Hide and Creep: Okay, so let me first say that this is not a "good" film. For those of you who are film majors and are insanely attuned to things like camera angles, light sources, and not seeing the occasional boom mike enter the frame--this film is not for you. For those of you who can manage to just go with a premise and enjoy something for what it's worth--you might want to try and catch this one. I found it on the Sci-Fi channel, and it's sort of what I imagine Kevin Smith might have ended up if he'd decided to make Sean of the Dead set in the south instead of Clerks. As I said, the production is not stellar, or even within shouting distance of stellar. Some of the background actors are not very convincing. And the zombies...are atrocious. Seriously, they look like what would happen if I got a little make-up kit at CVS and decided to be a zombie for Halloween. HOWEVER! At it's heart, this is kind of a clever little film. The premise is that somehow (it's never actually explained) a UFO begins an RC problem (RC stands for "reanimated corpses," and that's government agent speak for "zombies") in the small Alabama town of Thorsby. The main character is a very likeable slacker named Chuck who owns the local video store. There are many hilarious moments--one of which involving a post-it note and a zombie body left me giggling uncontrollably--and there is some very clever dialogue. The main characters were at least competant at acting, and were generally sympathetic. After I saw the film, I did a little research and found that the movie had been produced by a very small production company out of Birmingham called Crewless (their only movie thus far, probably explaining the low-budgetude of the production). I suspect that we may be hearing more from this group, and I personally look forward to it.

4. Bad Girls: Bad movie. Too bad, because I really like Drew Barrymore and Mary Stuart Masterson. Unfortunately, I loathe Andie MacDowell with the firey passion of a thousand suns. I think she is currently the worst actress ever, and I hate her even more than I hate Dame Judi Dench. The plot of this didn't really make much sense, and some of the acting was pretty painful, but unlike Hide and Creep there was no cleverness to make up for it, just a bunch of explosions. If you want to see a lame western from that time period, try Young Guns. It's at least full of cute boys and doesn't rely on "sisters doin' it for themselves" warm fuzzies to carry it.

That's all for now--next on my Netflix queue is The Warriors so I'll let you know how that is, as well as anything else I find that catches my fancy.

P.S.: I WILL be getting to my Summer TV recommendations very soon, I promise.

Woe Is Banky: Chasing Amy

Watched Chasing Amy today. Despite great performances from the leads and some fantastic comedic moments, I didn't like it. It depressed me. Ending = sad. And while I figure I was supposed to feel sorry for Holden because he lost the love of his life, oh poor guy, or maybe for Alyssa because Holden treated her like shit. Instead, the character I found myself sympathizing with most was Banky. I mean, he's got this great thing going, he and his best friend for 20 years--they live together, they work together, they hang out together--they're happy. Then along comes this woman and fucks everything up. They end up not even being friends, really. And okay, he was kind of a jerk in his attempts to get rid of her, but it's not like he was making shit up or anything. He was merely notifying Holden of facts that were more or less public record. And while maybe he was a little out of line, he did bring up some valid points about her possible agenda--and only then when his closest friend began trying to change him. Kevin Smith has a real hard-on for the whole "Best Friend vs. Girlfriend" storyline. It's kind of an interesting study. Oh, if only I had his drive and his gift for dialogue and characterization...Kevin Smith is SO my idol. And now I have seen ALL his movies, and count myself a true aficienado.