Cannonball Read #16 & #17: The Poseidon Adventure & Beyond the Poseidon Adventure by Paul Gallico

I've combined these two books since they are for all intents and purposes a single story, albeit one that takes a very swift turn in the middle.

I have seen the original Poseidon Adventure, Poseidon--the version with Kurt Russell, as well as a few terrible rip-offs. The main idea is the same in each, though there are a variety of causes and specifics. Basically, a giant cruise ship is rolled over into an upside-down nightmare, and a small group of surviving passengers have to journey through the topsy-turvy world in an attempt to make it to the bottom (now top) of the ship where their best chance at rescue lies. The first book is really pretty excellent--there is a decent amount of action, as well as the exploration of human dynamics, and the various ways people respond to crisis. Some, like the Reverend Scott, take charge and lead as though it were something they had been born to do. Others--like Dick Shelby, his family, Mrs. Kinsale the spinster, and the Rosens, an elderly Jewish couple--prefer to be followers. Some, like small haberdasher James Martin, only show their heroic nature when there's no other option. And then there's detective Mike Rogo and his low-class wife Linda, who seem determined to resist authority at every turn. It's a varied group who need to work together in order to survive. They have a number of challenges to face and they lose some of the group along the way. However, they always manage to keep hope alive. There are some big differences from the movie--I imagine they wanted to keep things a little lighter and more optimistic for the viewing public--but on the whole it's close to the film and is a good, engaging read.

The second book, Beyond the Poseidon Adventure was written as a sequel not to the first book, but to the film. The premise is that three of the survivors (Mr. Rosen, Mike Rogo, and James Martin) go back onto the Poseidon to protect the cargo Rogo was guarding on the trip, only to find themselves having to deal with leftover survivors, a noble tug captain and his daughter, a seductive thief, a mysterious American mercenary, and a danger Greek assassin. The action roams through the ship, and involves trickery, love, and even a tiger! The story is a little over the top, and the characters seem a little less natural in this one. It seemed clear to me that this sequel was a bit forced, and lacks the complicated personal dynamics of the first book, leaning more on the action to do the heavy lifting. Still, it was an entertaining way to spend a few hours on a chilly afternoon.

As a note, aside from the tug boat and the Greek assassin, the movie of the same name (starring Sir Michael Caine and Sally Field) bears only the slightest resemblance to the book. It's a very entertaining movie--better, perhaps, than the book--but I didn't want you to be fooled.

Cannonball Read #15: And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

It seemed amazing to me that I had never read this book. In fact, until I started reading I was pretty sure I had read it at some point, but it turns out that's not actually true. Upon reflection, I realized I had seen a comedic musical based on the book at a dinner theatre years ago with my grandparents. The differences between the book and a (hilarious, admittedly) musical are unsurprisingly numerous. It turned out I'd been missing a FANTASTIC book for years because I believed I'd already read it.

For anyone unfamiliar, the plot is pretty simple: 10 people are invited for a weekend on a remote island. When they arrive, they discover they haven't been invited for a quiet country weekend, but rather to be punished for their perceived crimes against humanity by a mad man. The tough bit is they have no idea who their executioner is. As the guests start dropping dead in a variety of ways, the paranoia and suspicion and tension mount to a final and unexpected conclusion.

I haven't really read any Agatha Christie, and always assumed to be sort of Murder She Wrote cutesy old-lady detective stories, but this book was fucking CREEPY. Even though I was fairly sure I know how it would end, the tension is unbelievable. The way the book is written, coming from the viewpoints of everyone, including the murderer--but without specifying who's who--allows the reader to be caught up in the confusion and fear. Although the characters are not especially detailed (it's a fairly short, quick book which doesn't waste a lot of time on details) the descriptions provided allowed me to get an impression in my head that served me very well. The pace moves along at almost breakneck speed, and I got so wrapped up in the story I actually missed my bus stop on the way home last night and ended up at the end of the line, wondering what the hell happened. On the whole, a fantastic book I highly recommend for anyone who enjoys suspense.

(As a side note, I believe the show I saw based on the book was called "Something's Afoot" [although I can't swear to it] and it was also quite entertaining.)

Quick Update: Reality TV Ate My Brain

I HAVE been reading, I swear. I have, like, four books I've finished and not blogged about yet because I am a lazy slacker. I promise I will do that soon. I will also watch movies soon for a little variety. Lately I have just been too wrapped up in Tool Academy, Rock of Love Bus, America's Best Dance Crew, America's Next Top Model, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to accomplish anything of value. Have you seen these shows? The first three are productions of VH1/MTV, so you can imagine the quality therein. Let me give you a brief overview:



1. Tool Academy is a competition between "toolish" dudes, who were tricked into the process by their girlfriends (the guys were told they were coming to compete in a "Mr. Awesome" competition. Some never quite gave up the idea that if they would just keep at it they'd be crowned Mr. Awesome.) The idea is to teach these lying, cheating, self-absorbed douchebags to be better boyfriends/people. I'm not quite sure about the therapist they used--she's really not up to the Dr. Drew standard...I somehow doubt Dr. Drew would endorse role-playing with sock puppets or using lie-detectors as solid therapeutic methods. On the whole, they met with varying levels of success. Although they made some progress with some of these guys, they never touched on one of the major issues, which is to try and get them to stop LOOKING like tools. I mean, seriously, you should have seen some of these jerks...particularly one who had a haircut ostensibly modeled on an angry cockatoo. Also one who intentionally called himself "Matsuflex." Ridiculous. On the upside, the nice couple actually won, which was a little shocking.



2. Rock of Love Bus is one of the bastard children spawned by VH1's surprise hit Flavor of Love. Basically it's a dating show for a washed up celeb, in this case Bret Michaels of the hair-band Poison. Now, I happen to be a fan of Poison, but sometimes this show just makes me very...hmm, I was going to say "angry" but I think that "nauseated" is really a better word. First of all, I find it slightly bewildering the way Bret tries to play himself off as a southern good ol' boy. He is from Allentown, PA, which is NOT the south. It's not even really Pennsyltucky. It's closer to Philly than anything, really. And that's clearly not the south. Secondly, where do they find these psychotic sluts? And where do the psychotic sluts buy their clothes? I mean, these are not outfits you can find in your local Macy's. One had a dress that was basically three strips of tinfoil that seemed to be glued together at the crotch...where do you BUY something like that? Even more frightening is the fact that half these women have CHILDREN. And yet they have chosen to put on their giant Lucite stripper heels and 32lbs of makeup and giant fake boobs and hop in a bus to travel across the country waving their hoo-has at a guy with fake hair? (Despite my seeming disgust, The Roommate and I TOTALLY dig this show. We sit on the edge of our seats, waiting for someone to pull someone's weave or throw something or spit on somebody. Last week, we actually were jumping around and hollering when one skanky sexbot threw an entire jar of salsa into another's suitcase. Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket indeed.)



3. America's Best Dance Crew is a straight up competition, and it's actually really interesting and entertaining. The stunts some of these crews pulled off were CRAZY. The Boyfriend enjoys shows like this wherein the contestants actually have to ACCOMPLISH something. Unfortunately, this show infected me with a horrible case of Kanye West earworm, which I can't seem to shake. The Roommate suggests the only cure is tequila, but I'm still hoping it'll go away by itself if I keep inundating it with Poison. Love lockdown, lockdown...Damn You, Kanye!

4. If you are unfamiliar with America's Next Top Model, you have probably been living under a rock for the past several years. That's okay, let me explain: It is supposedly a modeling competition, except half the girls are fundamentally ineligible to be real, successful models, the photo-shoots and challenges are a joke, and it's mostly a vehicle for Tyra Banks's unbelievably ginormous ego. Once again, there's a lot of fighting and crying, and since most of the girls are not terribly bright, they often come out with some verbal gaffes that have me falling off my chair. If you can handle the multiple occasions that are simply opportunities for Tyra to talk about Tyra and Tyra's career and Tyra's mom and Tyra's Sports Illustrated cover and Tyra's experiences as a young model and Tyra's hardships and Tyra's talk show (I usually deal with these via the magic of DVR fast-forward) the show can be totally hilarious. Plus, I'm a mean person and I kind of enjoy seeing pretty girls have their dreams crushed. There. I said it.

5. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is really the only one of these shows that has any redeeming social value whatsoever. Basically, the team of designers (captained by the hyper-active but oddly endearing Ty Pennington) seek out nice people who have very hard-luck stories and then build them a new house. Some examples I've seen include a police officer who was shot and paralyzed in the line of duty receiving a house that was accessible to her, an Army medic who lost his leg in Iraq (but continues to train field medics) getting a home accessible for him, and numerous very lovely people with very sick children getting house that can accommodate them better. It's just kind of a great show to watch when you're starting to feel like the entire world is populated solely with assholes...yes, you'll probably cry (they shovel on the sentiment pretty hot and heavy) but in the end they do some really spectacular stuff for people who really need it. Plus, the houses are craaaaaaaazy awesome usually.

All right, this has all been sort of embarrassing. I really will update soon with something much more intellectual, I SWEAR.

Cannonball Read #14: Lusitania: An Epic Tragedy by Diana Preston

Hang on, folks. I promise you I'm almost done with non-fiction maritime disasters...actually, I AM done with the reading, but I'm just a little behind on the blogging.

Lusitania: An Epic Tragedy details the sinking of the British passenger ship Lusitania by German torpedo during WWI. The great thing is, the author gets very deep into the contextual circumstances surrounding the sinking, particularly the political climate at the time and use of (at the time) newly-emerging submarine technology. I will admit that I know next to nothing about WWI--in public school social studies, it's that short chapter smushed in between the Civil War and WWII...as I remember it, "somebody assassinated somebody else's archduke for some reason and then Germany got all crazy, and then eventually we won. Somehow the British were involved, the French not so much. The helmets looked like plates." Although the book is focused on the actual attack on and sinking of the Lusitania, Preston continues on to explain how the event was viewed on both sides of the conflict, and how both tried to spin the tragedy to their benefit and get the US to officially choose a side.

The book is obviously well-researched, and for the most part compelling, although the story doesn't end so much as dribble out for 50 pages. There were many characters to keep track of, which I found difficult at some points, but there are some excellent primary accounts as well as a number of helpful photographs, maps, and diagrams.

The book is rather heavy reading, but anyone who is interested in the history of the period, it's pretty excellent.

Sink-a-Palooza: Maritime Disaster Films Part 1

1. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure: This is actually a 1979 sequel to the original Hackman version of The Poseidon Adventure. The story centers on a team of salvage divers (headed by the always excellent Sir Michael Caine and supported Sally Field) who head out to overturned Poseidon the day after the events of the first film. They meet up with a crew of rescue personnel (led by Telly Savalas...who unsurprisingly turns out NOT to be who he says he is. Which--duh! It's Telly Savalas!) and head into the wreck in search of left-behind riches, only to find themselves trapped inside with a bunch of survivors. From there on out, it's pretty much exactly the same as the original film--"Oh noes! We're trapped! We must climb up! Come on everyone, climb! But it's flooded! And on fire! Climb damn you, climb!" The main characters do well (come on, it's Michael Caine, how bad can it be?) and there are some fun performances from the survivors, particularly Slim Pickens as a boisterous Texas oilman and Peter Boyle as the loudmouth. There also appearance from other familiar faces, included Shirley Jones (Mrs. Partridge), Shirley Knight (the woman has 158 IMDB credits, I'm sure you'll recognize her from something), and a very young Mark Harmon (Gibbs from NCIS). Although not a stellar film, it's decent rainy-day entertainment.



2. A Night to Remember: This is the original 1958 adaptation of Walter Lord's book of the same name. This the last Titanic film to be made in black and white, and is still regarded as one of the best. (It was referenced heavily by James Cameron in his Titanic.) It's a pretty good film, though in my opinion not quite long enough--there were many characters, and sometimes the film felt like it was bouncing around between them almost randomly. Also, although they touched on some of the less-than-wholesome sides of the tragedy, there was a lot of whitewashing going on, especially with regard to the treatment of the steerage passengers. Not a bad film, and certainly one that's relatively historically important in the disaster film oeuvre. Trivia: look out for a very young David McCullum (Ducky on NCIS) as well as an allegedly uncredited 20-something Sean Connery as a nameless sailor. In addition, this was made before it was known that the Titanic broke in half before sinking, so it's interesting to see the sinking of the entire ship using the special effects of the times.



3. The Poseidon Adventure (Hallmark Channel mini-series): No, okay, just no. I gave it a chance because I like Adam Baldwin, but just no. I will give you three very clear reasons:
A. Terrorists. Yes, not a tidal wave, terrorists.
B. Special effects I am pretty sure I could have done myself with MS Paint.
C. They LEFT THE CREDITS IN BETWEEN SECTIONS! All the credits, beginning and ending! Even though both halves of the mini-series were playing concurrently on the same side of the disk!
*Bonus*: Stars Steve Guttenberg. Also Rutger Hauer and C. Thomas Howell. Is basically where B-movie stars have apparently gone to die. Poor Adam Baldwin.

Cannonball Read #13: Desperate Hours: The Epic Story of the Rescue of the Andrea Doria by Richard Goldstein

Don't worry folks, I am nearly through with my series on maritime disasters--I am slightly behind on my blogging, but there should only be two more blogs on this particular subject after this--and then we'll be on to fires! (I know, totally something to look forward to, right?)

On a fog-laden night in 1956, the Italian luxury liner Andrea Doria collided with the Swedish ship Stockholm. While the Stockholm sustained only damage to her prow (and the death of five crewmen), the Andrea Doria was essentially t-boned, taking a mortal hit to her side. Over the next ten hours, the ship would develop and ever more pronounced list, and eventually capsize in a spectacular manner. All but a few dozen of her thousands of passengers would be rescued, and this is the story of the collision, the rescue, and the aftermath.

After reading enough of these books, I am beginning to figure out what makes a good account and what indicates a bad one. Unfortunately, Desperate Hours: The Epic Story of the Rescue of the Andrea Doria by Richard Goldstein is not one of the better books I've read in this literary series. It's unfortunate, because since it took place in 1956--comparatively recently, as far as the books I've read go--there should be a lot more available information. However, Goldstein doesn't seem to have done any real digging of his own, and the information he does have seems to be poorly arranged. The narrative never truly congeals, and never seems to become more than a recounting of facts. Too many names and dates, not enough character or detail. The only thing to recommend this particular book is the abundance of photos, maps, and drawings that allow the reader to get a better sense of what he or she is reading about.

On the whole, I found this a disappointment.

"What d'you think we are? Gangsters?": RocknRolla

I like Guy Richie's movies. I loved Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Therefore, it's not surprising that I enjoyed RocknRolla. Aside from the admittedly rather stupid title, it's not a bad little film...as long as you liked Richie's first two movies. Because to be honest, it's more or less the same thing. Not quite as good, but definitely a monstrous improvement over Swept Away.

The plot is familiar to any Richie aficionados--there are schmucks. There are unpleasant members of the London underworld. There are twists and turns and coincidences and chance meetings and some cars that smash together and some ass-kicking and a little bit of sex and some very funny lines and quite a few casualties. On the downside, there is no Jason Statham (I was surprised--I assumed there was some contractual agreement that he had to star in all of Richie's films) but Gerard Butler is a big yummy hunk of man-candy, which was enough to make me happy. The acting is pretty good, and all the performers manage to deliver Richie's sometimes unwieldy dialogue with the proper amount of snap. The plot moves along pretty well, and there is always something going on. There are also some moments of surprisingly interesting cinematography--particularly during the chase-scene with the winded Russian.

I guess I'd have to say this this sort of like a Kevin Smith movie, in that if you like Kevin Smith, you will like his movies, and if you don't, nothing he does is probably going to change your mind. Guy Richie is the same way--his movies are what they are, and if that's something you dig, then you'll probably want to pick this one up.

(I am also hoping that the notable rise in quality from this over his previous few films bodes well for his much-anticipated [at least by me] adaptation of Sherlock Holmes starring RDJ.)